another new beginning

       MONDAY 12/31/18--about five and a half hours until bedtime...I hope I can stay awake; might have to eat some cereal to accomplish that...
      TUESDAY 1/1/19--There's an acoustic open mic on Wednesday--in Olney...hosted by Sandra Dean...it starts at 6:.30, so I would likely leave the house by 5:30...I dunno who else is going to go, but hopefully I'll find out before I leave here for Olney...I REALLY wanna practice whatever songs I'm gonna do...
6:43pm--the Plan is to do WISHES and have two or three other songs ready...songs that I know way more than just a little...waiting for the tablet...I'd like to have it by Friday, but it's not due until Monday 1/7/19...
WEDNESDAY 1/2/19 7:47AM--decided NOT to do WISHES tonight, IF I go...mostly because it's STILL not completely finished...therefore I don't know the song as well as I want to...because I keep changing it, dammit...
9PM- well my solo set at the Olney Winery OM is over… I’m gonna give myself an 8.0...it could’ve been better, but of course, it could’ve been a lot worse…my guitar didn't sound good to me at all...maybe I'll start using the EQ and Chorus more often, if not everytime...my best vocal moment was in CAN’T BUY ME LOVE with Michelle Murray and Jeff Karn...of course I wish  someone had recorded THAT...
10:57PM--just got home, ears ringing a LOT...should be in bed by Midnight...I found out that the set Oz is doing on Sunday at JVs is only 30 minutes long...we are far from being the only act...and the Powers That Be want to end the event at 3:00 period, no ifs ands or buts...gonna leave some stuff at home, apparently I need to make room for Oz's photographer friend...dunno if I'm gonna use the gizmo or not...leaning towards :"not"...I don't think it's worth the potential problems just to have a wah-wah pedal for 30 minutes...
THURSDAY 1/3/19 4:18PM--I guess I'm not gonna get the tablet today and even if I did, I don't think I'd go out anywhere to test out the camera/video capability...I THINK it's sitting in the Gaithersburg post office, wherever that is--Shady Grove Rd. I think...
6:03PM--now the tablet is at the "local" post office, maybe that's Diamond Farms...it has GOT to arrive sometime tomorrow, right?
FRIDAY 1/5/19 10PM--It feels like it has taken all day, but I finally have the lyrics to four songs on my tablet...the bad news is that I apparently have to have a wi-fi connection to see 'em...
SUNDAY 1/6/19 11:45 AM- well the Oz adventure has started…I’m parked near his residence , in what I believe is a free on Sundays parking lot… I am going to wait until about five minutes before noon and then I will make my way up the street to Charter House...
2:08PM- well the 30 minute session with Oz is history… I guess I did well enough; at least that’s what everybody says... I felt a little better once Tom Blood and then Mike Lessin (separately) jumped up on stage and played second guitar and shortly thereafter we were finished...

when will things get back to "normal"?

           SATURDAY 12/29/18 9:20AM--I think I'm going to Damascus today...not 100% sure my voice will be as good as it sometimes is--like Thursday night...probably won't get to do anything by myself, but maybe that's OK...
       Heard from Oz...gonna meet him in Silver Spring...and there is supposedly another Oz gig on the 26th, in Woodbridge, which may be a bit further than Falls Church...
    11:51AM--looks like I'm going to the Music Café and so is Lou...I don't expect to do any solo stuff, but that's OK...I guess...should be home by 6PM, if not earlier...Dianne and Linda are going to Unique together, it was important to her that she have something to do...
1:15PM- hanging out at the Music Café in Damascus, waiting for Lou…I’m not going to screw it up this time-at least I don’t think I am...I don’t have much of a voice to sing with, but hopefully I have enough to get the job done...
3:16PM-I DID have enough voice to get the job done...didn’t really have a chance to demonstrate my lead guitar ability, but that’s never been what L&S is about...
5:51PM--back home, having a Wendy's cheeseburger and fries for Dinner...I expect to be in bed before 10:30...
8PM--now that it's a done deal, I hope I'm making the right decision about buying an Amazon tablet...the waiting is the hardest part...might be another week before I get it...

well, it worked at home

     THURSDAY 12/27/18 8:51AM--I was so wrapped up working on the Buck Owens Xmas song that I almost forgot about some song that Arlene wants (wanted?) to do...I figured out THAT riff (harmonized!) in less than 10 minutes...I plan to be at the 3PM load-in...I'm planning on using the gizmo tonight...kinda hoping Angela will give me back BLUE XMAS...dunno if she will or not, if she doesn't, so be it...
     1PM--Angela is keeping BLUE XMAS...boy, once ya hear Sherri Robbins, almost no one else can compare...
 2:51PM-Now it’s not quite 3 o’clock and I am here at the OTWC waiting for the other bandmembers to get here and bring in their stuff...
5:20PM--and now Dorothy wants a spot...*I* think we all deserve a raise, but I don't know how to make that happen...
FRIDAY 12/28/18 2:30AM--we didn't get a raise but we DID get a bonus, an extra $5...we (the house band) backed up Alexia, a cute little singer songwriter who, unfortunately knows and occasionally plays with Dave Sharp...I wonder if he's still as "eccentric" as he used to be...she seemed to like my playing; I'll take any compliment I can get...
  10:49AM--so the 4th Thursday open mic is really history...I inadvertently screwed Lou over--I thought he signed us up, he thought *I* signed us up...so, nobody signed us up...major bummer...I did apologize, at least once...I dunno for sure, but I imagine it will take some time for him to get over it...
    5:27PM--I dunno who's playing where tonight, but it doesn't matter to me--I ain't goin' nowhere...that may be true about tomorrow as well...
10:42PM--I've been cyber-chatting with Alexia to determine whether or not she was already in a Band besides the one she's in (part time?) with Dave Sharp...his band is the band she's in...I dunno if I should tell her about my history with him...it seems so long ago, I can't really remember any details, I just remember he was an angry wack job...

for $50, I'm not sure it's worth it

           
                 XMAS DAY 12:07PM--it has taken me about an hour, more or less, but I was FINALLY able to take JINGLE BELL ROCK outta my iTunes Library and put it in Audacity to slow the intro way down so I can learn it...I had been thinking about how if I didn't use Audacity for something I'd forget how to use it...and of course I did forget how to use it...so I kept pushing buttons until I got the result I desired...like I say, it took about an hour altogether...I can't imagine the dozen and a half other songs I need to learn by Thursday being as hard as that...

4:16PM--on the other hand, I needed to change keys for one of the songs...again I used Audacity, but it only took half as long, if that...I'm not sure WHEN I can practice this stuff, but I'm thinking some tomorrow and some on Thursday...I bet that Barnaby won't practice any more than I hope to, probably less...I'll be sooooo glad when December's 4th Thursday is history...

WEDNESDAY 12/26/18 8:26AM--listening to the Xmas songs, the beginning of practicing them...I dunno if the guest singers are expecting to hear exactly what they hear on the records, but I think I can guarantee that they won't...

9:49AM--it's ultimately MY fault for procrastinating, but I HATE doing homework...especially at the last minute...to me, it's just not worth $50 bucks...

4:04PM--after the intro to JINGLE BELL ROCK, the hardest guitar part I have to wrestle with is the intro riff to SANTA LOOKED A LOT LIKE DADDY...I'm on my way to getting the both...I have to use the gizmo though--Harmonizer setting C3...

7:39PM--the homework is getting better...well, the homework I care about...
9:15PM--the guitar riff homework is getting better still...
11:09PM--dunno how, but I accidentally silenced iTunes...I could see the songs playing but I couldn't hear them...suddenly figured it out and got the Music back (whew)...

my tenure as a member of the Combustibles could end soon

     SATURDAY 42/22/18 8:51 AM--If I can wait until the Sears repairman leaves, I'll write my resignation letter...He won't be here for at least another hour...how long he'll be here? who knows? and of course, there's the option of listing all the reasons why I'm leaving--or NOT...
              I think listing those reasons would hurt some peoples' feelings, whether they would admit it or not...I would send the resignation letter today, but (although I don't think it WOULD happen) there's a slim chance that Barry would not pay me for last night's gig...who thinks clearly when they're angry? So I'll wait until the $80 is in the Bank...
10:45AM--instead of waiting until AFTER the first time I perform one of my songs in public, I started refining the lyrics this morning...it might be the next one I play out--somewhere...there won't be a GYY open mic until January 7th, and I can't guarantee that I'll be able to go--Dianne's last surgery is that same day...maybe there's one semi-close by that I can go to...on the other hand Xmas and NYE are coming up...
1PM--spent about an hour and a half on the phone with Stoney...he thinks I should reconsider my plan to leave the Combustibles...I hope he doesn't repeat the content of our discussion to anyone...especially the part about wishing *I* could be a sub for Lenny in the Crimestoppers...sometimes I'm such a fucking idiot; I can't stop myself...
      I had the idea of dropping the Xmas Concept for the 4th Thursday Open Mic a the OTWC...Stoney agrees, but seemingly no one else does...rats...so we're doing a Xmas show on December 27th, TWO DAYS AFTER Xmas...oh well...
6:39PM--feeling down, emotionally...physically? I'm ok, not quite up to going out though...that's as much because of my emotional state as my physical state...the roomie is happy that I'm staying home tonight...it's taking a fair amount of effort to remember that today is SATURDAY...
7:06PM--actually feeling quite anti-social; I don't think I'd go anywhere even if the roomie was OK with it...
7:25PM--refining the lyrics to HIGH HOPES, my break-up song--is it a romance breaking up? or a Band? Not sure about the Music to it yet, but I think I have a groove in mind for it...dunno when I'm gonna work on it...I don't suppose there are any open mics to go to on Xmas eve, right?
SUNDAY 12/23/18 10:40AM--*I* think the some of the guest singers at the 4th Thursday o.m. don't appreciate the house band as much as they should...the more I work with Arlene, the less I like it...I feel like I've got a LOT of homework to do between now and Thursday--and (at this point in time) I don't feel like it...I barely feel like playing the gig at all...but I can always use $50 bucks...my advice to the guests--this is what we're gonna play, sing the song or don't, take it or leave it...

the opposite of fun

         FRIDAY 12/21/18 11:27AM--so tonight I have a gig with the Combustibles...I'm already wishing it was over...I'm just gonna keep my head down and count the hours until it ends...thankfully it's a three hour gig and not a four hour gig...gonna do my best to ignore the inevitable mistakes...I'll TRY to count them, but that won't be the least bit easy...I wish I could care, but I just don't...I suspect the gig pays about $50 bucks...that doesn't seem like a lot to me...Any less than $75 and gonna be disappointed...Maybe having Stoney on Bass will make the gig more enjoyable for me...
5:17PM--almost as ready as I'm gonna be...Barry is scheduled to get here at 7...which leaves me time to shave and wash my hair...half of my gear is in the living room...I'm NOT taking the amp stand or the guitar stand...I expect to regret not bringing the amp stand, but I'm still gonna leave it home...
11:37PM-when I get home I’m gonna send an email informing my band mates that I’m resigning, effective immediately...
SATURDAY 12:48AM-except I want my $80 first...I can’t imagine Barry keeping my share of the money, but I don’t feel like taking any chances...*I* made my share of mistakes tonight; it seems like once I make one, I inevitably make more, a sort of domino effect...four of us have been playing JUNIOR'S FARM for a number of years, but Barry fucked up big time tonight and the rest of us fell apart to show solidarity...and, for whatever reason, Ric is a terrible singer, maybe even (in some ways) worse than Barry...he forgets most of the lyrics to just about every song he sings...and Barney sometimes over plays...and IMO the a capella breaks SHOULDN'T be a capella breaks, there needs to be something to keep the beat and/or the tonal center...more than usual I can't wait to hear from payPal...Barry thinks it won't be until Wednesday because of the Xmas Holiday...

not bad at all

          THURSDAY 12/20/18 11:50PM--A Derwood Xmas is history...Michelle Murray and Friends did pretty good...my guitar playing was fair, the harmony singing was on the money IMO...and I spoke to a few more songwriters and learned some stuff...ears ringing, voice damn near GONE...I have singing to do somewhere around 9PM tomorrow night...kinda worried, now at least...hopefully it will be better by then...
         Spent most of the evening sitting with two strangers--Steve and Nancy...had a fair amount of fun hanging with them...it felt like almost every woman I've ever had a crush on since moving to G-burg was there..Cindy, Angela, Eryn, Reneé, I'm sure there were more...

not yet ready to give up

 
           TUESDAY 12/18/18 3:45PM--I think the next song I'm gonna present to the public is the song I currently call AIN'T GONNA BE YOUR CLOWN...but I'm kinda semi-determined to get ONE good performance of WISHES under my belt--somewhere, I just dunno where...and I'm not talking about the basement...There IS an open mic in Damascus, but after two days of going out in a row, I'm pretty sure I won't have the strength to go to Damascus--even if I want to...
     WEDNESDAY 12/19/18 7:50PM--took Dianne to the Dr.'s Office this morning...we arrived at 11AM and didn't leave until almost 4PM...I'm frankly hoping my reward will be the opportunity to go to the OTWC tomorrow night...I won't know until sometime tomorrow...I think I'm gonna practice LET IT SNOW just in case I can go...
THURSDAY 12/20/18 9:17AM--I can go...I need to work on Michelle's songs at least a little...and buy a toy, which is the price of admission...I'll likely go to CVS soon to buy a toy--one less thing, right? I guess I'll "rehearse" after my midday, before I take a shower...I think the midday will start by 1PM, last less than two hours...As far as *I* know, I don't need to bring ANY gear with me, John Trupp said I don't need to...we'll see...
2:33PM--the midday started and ended early...I expect to be outta the shower by 4PM, more or less...
4:21PM--the Plan is to leave for the OTWC in about 10 minutes...
7:45PM-just about every local woman I have had a crush on is here now or soon will be...

dunno what to say

            SUNDAY 12/16/18 8:15PM--band practice went the way I figured it would...I arrived at the SAW Xmas party at about 5:30 or so...the director of a high school vocal ensemble singled me out as an exceptional guitarist..I have no idea what to do with that kind of adulation...and Jay asked me three times if I wanted to perform...I said "no" each time...and I don't yet regret it...
                            I might do one of my songs tomorrow evening at GYY...I'll probably play it safe and sing WISHES, because I know that one better than the newer ones; I really need to remedy that....as for covers, I probably should have COMES A TIME ready, in case Jodie shows up...that would be two...I should be prepared for her to NOT be there...I'm gonna try to decompress and hopefully be in bed by 11-ish...
              MONDAY 12/17/18 8:49AM--still thinking a bit about what [that guy] said last night...but what I should be doing is prepping for tonight...so that's what I'm gonna do...
9:29AM--I'm probably gonna play WISHES tonight, and two other ones...I'll only do COMES A TIME if Jodie shows up but I strongly suspect she will...so I probably only need one more...POSITIVELY 4TH ST. perhaps...
7:27PM- no that’s not what I’m gonna do...I’m going to do Comes a Time and my original tune… That’s all I have time for; it’s crowded tonight...and folks are still coming in...
   Is there any open mic that Jeff Karn doesn’t go to? *I* don’t go to that many...
8:27PM- COMES A TIME was great, WISHES, my original song was a trainwreck; I think Xanax woulda helped...no one has offered any comments good or bad...that’s because I sucked...I think there’s a domino effect at work...once I make one, I make more...I guess I wasn’t kidding when I told a certain woman (Susan) that her presence was gonna mess me up...it doesn’t help that I’m rewriting the songs minutes before I play them...I don’t WANNA give the songwriting thing up, but maybe I should...Or maybe I should be satisfied with the Musical abilities I already possess...
          I suspect I’m gonna have more fun at the OTWC on Thursday than I will at the Combustibles’ gig...I already know that we'll probably suck and that no one will hear that but me...and there won't be much of an audience...oh boy...
TUESDAY 8AM--the bad always seems to be "louder" than the good...even though HE stumbled a bit, the spontaneous (on MY part) vocal sit-in with Rob Gould and the super ubiquitous Jeff Karn on WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW sounded f**king fantastic, to ME anyway...I had forgotten about it...the next o.m. at GYY won't be until January 7th...I absolutely plan on staying home that night...
         IF I'm gonna continue to play solo, I absolutely HAVE to figure out a way to rehearse even though Dianne is (literally) in the house...gonna try the basement, when I feel up to it...which needs to happen soon, probably Thursday--..
   Finally something positive--I spontaneously fixed a lyric that I didn't like in WISHES; I had taken the verse completely out...it felt unsingable to me...I can put that verse back in...I just don't see any opportunities to sing it in the near future...

I did it

                      THURSDAY? 12/13/18 10:30PM-I’m gonna give myself a generous 8.0-all FOUR songs had mistakes in them...some of those mistakes were a bit bigger than others...I DIDN’T use the lyric sheets, they were too far away and the font was too small...Daryl Davis was in the audience-that didn’t help...still, I did it! In fact I get two more songs when we started over, LMYR and THANK YOU GIRL...
11:42PM-I’m keeping the 8.0 for now...maybe... I think the Xanax had worn off by the time I hit the stage the FIRST time, never mind the second time... but I’m not sorry I came...
     SATURDAY  12/15/18 I think unless I actually hear from Jay I'll stay home tomorrow--maybe...although Michelle (who WON'T be there BTW) said if Jay invited me, everything is cool...
4:42PM--went to Litz, got new acoustic strings and a thumb pick...the thumb pick works, as far as I can tell...the plan is to put the new strings on tomorrow, dunno when though...
SUNDAY 12/16/18 8:37AM--I heard from Jay, it's OK to go...I put the strings on yesterday...not taking my guitar though...Dunno if there's a dress code, but I will probably dress up a bit...if I'm NOT gonna sing any of my songs, what's the point of going? I really dunno if I'm gonna go or not...I do now know there's no dress code...obviously, I'm gonna take at least one Xanax right before I leave the house...
11:13PM--BULLETIN--I've just been informed there's band practice at 2PM--that sucks big time...I told Barry I'm leaving at 5...he may not be happy about that, but he said OK...I hope to be at IPO (where the SAW Xmas party is being held) by 6PM...I probably wouldn't have lasted for four hours anyway...

close call

             WEDNESDAY 12/12/18 9:32PM--when I arrived at Agrodolcé I was told that the open mic was cancelled...so I got back in the car to come home when I had a flash--I want the host to tell me the open mic is off...so Mike arrived, straightened things out and the open mic went on liked I hoped I would...I would say I was an 8.0 on a scale of ten...the more I do it the better I'll get at it...I did TWO originals and BLUE... XMAS...I did not announce that they were mine, but I did mention it after I finished...Mike unexpectedly allowed me to do a fourth song...that threw me off guard...I did YOU AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE...
            11:49PM--forgot to mention, I took a Xanax before I went to G-town...and I'll probably take one before I go to the OTWC...and play the three songs I played tonight, most likely...although I might swap out BLUE XMAS for I'LL GET YOU...
         Thinking about songwriting--still...I have to remember that, never mind David Crosby, I can't write like Rob Gould, Matt Holsen, Ray Weaver...the list may be quite long...the idea that some of my older songs ain't half bad (IMO) gives me hope...But I need to get on with polishing/learning the newer ones...currently working on CLOWN NO MORE...
3:15PM--although I'm STILL making changes to YOU WON'T HAVE ME ! As for tonight, if I get four songs, I'll do BLUE CHRISTMAS, unless someone  beats me to it...it’s good to be prepared...Alan is here, as is Nancy...Angela says she’s going to Hershey’s...maybe that’s a good thing after all...

it may be too soon to know for sure but...

                 TUESDAY 12/11/18 PM--I'm actually starting to feel like a songwriter...on November the 26th, I played a song *I* wrote--THE FUNNY SONG...it was an old song, I polished the lyrics a bit...I also played YOU WON'T HAVE ME, both at Gumbo Ya Ya...then I went thru some of my other (old) songs and polished THEM up as well...in the past week or so I've written three new songs and I've started another one...I continue to worry about playing my anti-Trump song in public, which is probably why I haven't done it yet...
         Unless my Plans mysteriously change, I'm going to an open mic tomorrow night...I haven't made up my Mind yet which original song I'm gonna sing--I was gonna do THE FUNNY SONG but now I think I should play it safe...I'll probably do YOU WON'T HAVE ME and two covers, I'LL GET YOU and BLUE XMAS...
                WEDNESDAY 12/12/18 8:30AM--later, while I'm doing laundry,  maybe  I'll practice...if I AM gonna do BLUE XMAS, I should probably practice it...and, of course, I should continue practising MMMM as I call it to be quick about it...maybe I should rename it...dunno WHEN I'll ever play that one in public...
9:41AM--and, whatever it's called, it's actually growing in length--that's a surprise, but it pleases me...
11:02AM- I have wanted to add a third chorus  to  YOU WON’T HAVE ME for the longest time… Sitting here at Harris Teeter I just did...NOW  I’ll probably play it tonight at the open mic…

maybe it's OK, I dunno

             MONDAY 12/10/18 9:49AM--maybe it's not so important that *I* be knocked out by my own lyrics...the audience decides almost everything, right? So I think HIGH HOPES, my newest song, is finished...
    4:15PM--the Plan for tonight is to play one of my older songs...I just finished writing the Music...My voice sounds a bit ragged to me, so even if I had the courage (and Warner wasn't around) I don't think I would sing/play THE MAIL...
    5:42PM--suddenly changed my Mind about playing at GYY...I'll just go and spectate...Ray's gig (amazing) and band practice (terrible) have taken a lot out of me physically...but I'm leaving in about 15 minutes...
7:14PM-I wish I felt up to participating at GYY...
9:30PM-I’ll stay til the end, because leaving would be obvious...Jay is expecting me at the SAW Xmas Party on Sunday the 16th...he says I should play one of my songs...we’ll see...I plan to go to Charlie’s acoustic open mic on Thursday...but I felt damn near invisible here tonight; to some degree, that was my choice...
TUESDAY 12:44AM--came home, worked on my own songs...gonna pick one (or two) for the open mic on Thursday...I have to remember that the songwriters I know have been doing it way WAY longer than me...but I also wanna remember that the second verse of Neil Young's Ohio was "la la la la la la la la"...and Paul McCartney came up with "wo wo wo wo...wo wo wo wo, my love does it good" so for now I'm gonna keep at it...
   8:43AM--started another new song overnight...I'm in no hurry to finish it...just found out that Agrodolcé is starting up an acoustic open mic on WEDNESDAY, once a month...it's indoors, which Lou has said is a tight squeeze...guess I'll find out...
           12:31PM-hoping to have the courage to play my proposed arrangement of BLUE CHRISTMAS tomorrow...it's gonna be an uptempo shuffle kinda thing...I let Lou know about the open mic; I dunno if he CAN go or not...
           4:10PM--Lou won't be there either...I'm thinking about tomorrow night; thinking about playing THE FUNNY SONG in addition to BLUE XMAS...
7:14PM--hopefully gonna practice while doing laundry tomorrow...gonna try NOT to work in the 1180 Lab...
 8:30PM- in the past 30 minutes I’ve done what I’ve been  thinking of doing ever since I heard some of David Crosby‘s newest music… expand one of my instrumental tunes to have more than just two parts…now all I have to do is practice the darn thing... it’s rather exciting, to tell the truth… But it’s time to start winding down for the evening; fired up though I may be...
 9:25PM--I might not ever get to play THE MAIL in public, because Warner gets around, thanx to that spooky guy who (I think) drives him around everywhere...I know THE FUNNY SONG better than most of my other songs...I SHOULD start learning the newer ones...

wow

             SUNDAY 12/9/18 2:11AM--got home from KH 11 minutes ago...it  took an hour (maybe less) to get home...it took about an hour and 10 minutes to get there...I can't EVEN believe I got there at 7PM'''I think I was the 2nd one there after Cory...we finished at just past 12:30AM...I hung around, but apparently as long as it felt...I'm $10 dollars richer, I'm OK with that...I trust Ray when he says money is tight...I woulda felt like a bastard asking for more...there were 6 of us in the "band"...unlike shows in the past, we actually took a break...
                   We were a 10.0 easily...after I warmed up, I played well...from what I could hear, the harmonies were very good...I think Johnny and I mostly stayed out of each other's way...I spent most of my time sitting on a bench, although I did stand up occasionally...Neither Carolyn nor Ren attended tonight's gig...Someone hollered out "Led Zeppelin" and *I* foolishly played the intro to--STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN...so we played it...I would give it an 8.0 on a scale of 10...but (hopefully) I'll never ever noodle that one again...
            11:05AM--most of the guitar solo in SHAKE IT UP is fairly easy...as for the rest of it, I don't care all that much, Barry might not care all that much either...and yeah, a rehearsal with the Combustibles is a MAJOR comedown after the Saturday *I* had...
        5:36PM--I don't have the words to describe how horrible band rehearsal was...Barry decided NOT to try to learn SHAKE IT UP...I'd say that was the only good thing to happen at practice...Some of my songwriting friends may have a method, *I* do not...But I DO wanna write a song which could be about my unhappiness with my relationship with a woman but it's really about my unhappiness with the band...that's not new, but I'm gonna try it anyway...
7PM--and I 'm doing homework for the GYY open mic...I'm working on COMES A TIME, in part because Jodie said she liked that one...I wanna play an original tune, but I dunno which one...which leaves one more song to do, usually...maybe I'll try DRAGGIN'
9PM--I'm roughly halfway thru that new song I said I wanted to write...I'm taking a break from it, hoping I can pick up where I left off tomorrow...I think all I need is one more verse...
10:53PM--be it good or bad, it's finished; well, the lyrics are finished...for Music I'm kinda thinking a slow rocker, if there can be such a thing......I tried not to be so rigid with certain concepts--like syllable accentuation...and exact rhymes...

another new beginning

            FRIDAY 12/7/18 4:36PM--getting excited about the SAW workshop AND the sit-in with Ray...not exactly looking forward to the drive to Killarney and back, but that's where Ray is gonna be...I made a CD for the journey to Davidsonville...and, as far as I know there's still band practice on Sunday...if it were to get cancelled, I wouldn't cry...
            SATURDAY 12/8/18 8:47AM--Man, I hope I remember to take a Xanax before I go to the SAW workshop...I have no idea how long I'll be in Rockville...I hope I'm home before 3PM, although I doubt that I'll get much of a mid-day if any...tomorrow's band practice feels like a big anti-climax...
5:06PM--I DID remember to take the Xanax...actually played one of my own sons, listened  to some other writers' songs...got a teeny tiny nap...eating Dinner now, gonna leave for KH in a little more than a half an hour...

still at it

                    WEDNESDAY 12/05/18 7:06PM--started a song last night, just finished it...the Music came from LAVENDER DAWN...I dunno if it's any good, but I think it is...I'm considering playing GET HIM OUT, my anti-Chump song in public...MY desire? ignore the subject matter, judge the song...looking forward to Saturday--the SAW workshop AND the sit-in with Ray--Tish says she's gonna be there...we'll see...Dianne sez she's fine with all that activity...we'll see...
               THURSDAY  12/06/2018 NOON--I plan on going to the SAW open mic tonight and pay attention to the songwriters...hopefully I'll be sitting by myself, or at least NOT sitting with Nancy...I actually don't think I'm gonna get the chance to listen to the performers all that much...but ya never know...
     Turns out the best place to hear the song writers’ songs is on their website…assuming they have one-I’ve collected two business cards already…Michelle just came in...she of course has a website; I suspect every songwriter, good or bad has one...
   Michelle said she was going to come over and visit me, but she has yet to do that…getting nervous/excited about Saturday...
    I don’t know if he was kidding or not, but John Trupp said to me “come up with an hours worth of material and you could play the singer songwriter showcase”...
             FRIDAY 12/7/18 12:21AM--jumped onstage to assist Michelle with harmonies to a song I'd never heard before...I've kinda forgotten who's song it was..the harmonies sounded pretty damn good though.: got an email from Barry--the Combustibles have a pair of gigs scheduled for next year....
             9:09AM--might use the Music from GET HIM OUT (Industrial Strength) to write some other (non-political) song...one of the songwriters told me that sometimes he'll come up with a chord progression and a melody and he'll scat sing nonsense syllables until the words come...maybe I'll try that while Dianne is seeing the Doctor...
10:18AM--maybe I'll give it some thought while I'm Dianne's Doctor's appointment...I almost started a little while ago...apparently, the Music can/does suggest lyrics...the Music is not at all "warm and fuzzy" so IMO the lyrics oughta be NOT warm and fuzzy...maybe (maybe) my friend Rob is not likely to write anything resembling Rock, but I think *I* can...I'm actually trying not to work on the song now...it's kinda tough...

should I keep at it?

                  SATURDAY 12/1/18 I'm gonna try to get back to thinking about songwriting...now that I've recovered from the open mic, that is...it's my fault that I've re-started so late in Life...
12:41PM--I added some lyrics to THE FIDDLE SONG, working on some other ones...
1:33PM--then I heard one of Ray's older songs on youTube...why should I bother writing songs, anyway?
5PM--songwriting? I could take it or leave it...I have to stop comparing myself to other writers and remember they've been doing it for a lot longer than me...
                 I'm thinking about what I might play at GYY on Monday...the Plan now is to include an original tune, YOU WON'T HAVE ME probably...
              I need to remember that, for me at least, trying to write when I'm not at all inspired doesn't work;
I just got word, the GYY open mic is moving into the Main room...Like I already said, the Bar was big enough for me...gonna be innaresting...but scary...
      SUNDAY--if I get three songs at GYY, I think I know what they will be...but IF I'm gonna do CLANCY, I need to practice it...so that's what I'm gonna focus on; the songwriting can wait...
      MONDAY--still planning on doing CLANCY tonight...and maybe YOU WON'T HAVE ME and HEAVE AWAY...
3:36PM--so I practiced a teeny bit, hopefully it was enough...I predict I'll be a 7.0 at least, 9.0 at the most...and that's OK by me...

8:45PM- I would say (maybe) 7.0 outta 10...but I really shouldn’t have followed HEAVE AWAY with one of my own songs... it took me a while to remember how MY song went-that’s very embarrassing…
9:28PM-yeah, I think I’ll keep at it...I actually have bits of Music that I might be able to do something with...LAVENDER DAWN and INCIDENT AT BONNEVILLE specifically...and I’m considering playing THE MAIL next week...as for covers, DRAGGIN’ is a possibility...or maybe I'll do some more Neil...

7:50AM--for a bunch of reasons, I'm NOT going to my mini high school reunion...for one thing, there's the SAW workshop in Rockville on Saturday...today, I feel like a (rookie) songwriter...of course a lot can happen between now and Saturday...but I hope it doesn't...

7:24PM--I was gonna ask SLR about her songwriting; but I thought I should listen to her songs first...I tried to listen to GOOD 'N' PLENTY, but I just couldn't...my Bass playing wasn't THAT bad (it was replaced) and my lead guitar playing was forgotten about...so that's that...

9:02PM--it was a bit like pulling teeth, but I finally heard from the friend of mine who hosts a songwriters' workshop in Rockville once a month--it's coming up this Saturday...I still dunno who else is gonna be at Ray's Killarney House gig Saturday evening...maybe that doesn't matter...

now it begins/summary

THURSDAY 11/29/18 10:19AM--getting anxious about tonight...AND Dianne's stay in the hospital...we'll BOTH be glad when she comes back home...I guess it doesn't matter too much when I go back to the hospital, but it matters when I leave...hoping for 5PM...it will be dark by then, but I think I can get home from Bethesda--during rush hour (ugh)...

7:30PM- I arrived at the 0TWC when I wanted to… And I’m finished dinner; I forgot to take a Xanax though... it might not have made any difference anyway...

FRIDAY 2:15AM--just got home from the OTWC...it was, as always an innaresting night...as you can imagine I am way too tired to elaborate...I'll be back eventually...
11AM--the house band set went well enough, maybe an 8.0 more or less...remember, we don't rehearse...Angela did two other songs besides CHAIN GANG...one of her songs and something we harmonized really well on--I can't remember what that was...Arlene was her usual self although the gtr. solo in PURPLE RAIN wasn't too bad at all...Bonnie did her two ot three songs...Sally did her three songs (sigh) and for all that work I got $50 bucks...Rockville Mike closed the show...ugh...

9:15PM--the third song Angela sang was TIME AFTER TIME...very nice harmony from me...the mic mix kinda sucked--SHE shoulda had the mic *I* was using, it was super "hot"...the guitar solo in PURPLE RAIN was pretty damn good if I do say so myself...nice harmonies from the other guys as well...Frankly Arlene's lead vocal left more than a bit to be desired, but what's done is done...nonetheless I put the performance into my iTunes Library...some weird unexplainable audio problems, I dunno what caused that...I cut the first minute out of the audio and the last few seconds of the ending surprisingly, both edits are damn near perfect...THE BREAKUP SONG went well I think and HANDS did too, although by then I was already very tired...And *I* thought TALKING IN YOUR SLEEP went well enough, but apparently Stoney had a problem with one or both of the guitar players...I nailed the hook, so his beef is with Butch IMO...

         

it's so hard to wait

            TUESDAY 11/2/18 9:16AM--A songwriter friend told me and the Internet says ANY recording of a song, no matter how primitive, will automatically copyright the song...to REGISTER the song with the Gov't is (naturally) a "gov't project"...If ever you find yourself in a litigation dispute, having the song registered more or less puts a stop to that--I think...if I can remember HOW to do it, I'll try to record the songs on my phone, mail the recording to myself, feed it into my iTunes Library, and make CDs of them...

              9:40AM--So I went upstairs to my bedroom to do my homework...now all I gotta do is practice the songs...repeatedly...and remember to put a capo in Ebay's case--if there isn't one in there already...
                 10:26AM--I had a recording from GYY on my phone that I recorded on October 18th...I mailed it to myself and downloaded it...it automatically went into my iTunes Library, which is how *I* set things up...I could, if I wanted to, spit it out onto a CD...I think this means I could record solo acoustic versions of my songs and repeating that process, copyright them...I have more than enuff blank CDs to do 'em one at a time...I think the best place to record them might be the basement; I think I'll get a slightly better sound down there...I might actually, after recording them on the phone, record them on the BR-1180...I dunno when I'm gonna actually do it...Dianne will be in the hospital for an overnight stay starting Thursday morning...I suspect I'll be at her side for most of the day, time I could spend here at home practising and/or recording...so I guess I'm gonna be fairly busy tomorrow...
                I guess I really need to summon the courage to do stuff like that here at home, even if Dianne's here...but first I should focus on the Fourth Thursday...
       3:39PM--having trouble focusing on Thursday...thinking about recording songwriting demos...gotta cut that out, the only day I have to prepare for the open mic is tomorrow; so I'll have to put the song demos on the back burner--maybe do 'em on Friday...
WEDNESDAY 11/28/18 9:42AM--it turns out, I'll have a few hours alone at home Thursday between about 9AM-1PM...Dianne has reluctantly accepted the fact that I have a gig tomorrow...I hope she'll get over it soon....I can practice while I'm watching ST-TOS this evening, that's an hour right there...Personally, I think we'll be pretty dammed good, all things considered...
     10:23AM--it belatedly occured to me that maybe the other members of the band feel the way I do-- it can't/won't be exactly like the record, so don't expect it to be...
  3:15PM--I've spent the better part of thirty minutes listening to DRIVER 8, an REM song I barely knew yesterday...someone (Stoney?) is singing it tomorrow night...I think I'll be ready for it, and hopefully, everything else we're doing...I haven't paid too much attention to TIME AFTER TIME...I should have some time tomorrow morning before I got back to the hospital...gotta get a bag of M&Ms...and some cash from the Bank...but not too much...
8:38PM- I’m getting better with the various riffs in the various songs… Oddly enough the only one I’ve really haven’t spent much time studying  is TIME AFTER TIME...not worried yet...

a very big day in fact

         MONDAY 11/26/18 11:11AM--or I"ll prep for the SAW open mic at IPO tomorrow...allegedly there is one...I oughta think about that before I make a decision...and there's an indication that there IS an open mic of some kind at Xroads tomorrow...any kind of confirmation for either event would be nice...
3:30PM--as for tonight, incredibly enough, I'm still refining THE FUNNY SONG...and I've re-alphabetised the COVERS book...If I had MY way, I'd go to Xroads tomorrow and see Jackie...but if the IPO SAW open mic is my only choice I'll do that--possibly...
6:40PM- according to Matt Holson, and he certainly should know, they’re no longer having an open mic at IPO...
8:10PM- I would give my whole set a 9.5...THE FUNNY SONG? a 9.0 I think, I stumbled once, but it coulda been worse...dunno about anyone else, but Rob’s wife said she liked it...
9:30PM-I just pulled off (by myself) HICKORY WIND!!! I’m giving myself a 9.75; I kinda sorta almost messed up some lyrics-I think...I was, after all, reading off of my iPhone fer cryin' out loud...we all got to do one more because Dan went through the list a 2nd time...he was able to do THAT because of the number of performers who were around at the time--Warner was not one of them...

gonna be a big day for me

                 SUNDAY 11/25/18 5:12PM--quite spontaneously I came up with my setlist for the GYY open mic tomorrow night...a fairly well-know song, a not at all well-known song...and a song *I* wrote...I actually did some practising while Dianne was taking a walk...when she came home to get the dog to take her for a walk, she heard me rehearsing a bit...she didn't really hear me sing 'cos I was singing to myself--I had just woken up from a nap, so I had almost NO singing voice and I wanna preserve my voice as much as I can...
            6:53PM--tried rewriting another of my older songs...hit a bit of a roadblock...that's OK, hopefully I'll come back to it...I would really like to find the song I wrote about a submarine sinking in 1963; All 129 crewmen went down with the sub...I could swear I saw it the other day, but now I can't find it...it might turn up if I give up looking for it...
             I should be cautious, I might not like the songs a few months weeks or days from now...but I still plan to do one Monday night...maybe I shouldn't, but I kinda keep going thru 'em to see if I still like 'em...and besides various typos (aaarrgh) if I come up with a lyric that I like better, I change it...
     What I need to do is, after Monday night, focus on the Fourth Thursday open mic..that's the plan...I don't think I'll have a problem with the BREAKUP SONG, unless Brian rushes the tempo--which he often does...
                   

the current obsession

      FRIDAY 11/23/18 8:07AM--Suddenly, a couple of hours ago, while lying in bed staring at the ceiling, I started thinking about songwriting...so I dug into an old book of my originals, pulled out two or three and decided that with some lyrical refinements, I could use 'em...now I'm excited by the idea that I could play a song or two of my own at an open mic...
         9:09AM--added two more songs to my covers book...both from Roger McGuinn...gonna build an ORIGINALS book shortly...
12:48PM--now I have the beginning of my originals book...
3:13PM--what I just woke up from *I* wouldn't call a nap...oh well...I think I'm going out tonight...I wanna see if I can chat with Tom Blood about songwriting...I wanna drive my cat somewhere besides Wendy's...and if Tom and I exchange not word one, that's ok too...
SATURDAY 11/24/18 1AM--suddenly I kinda feel like an actual songwriter...go figure...
9:19AM--the Plan is to leave here at 12:30, taking my acoustic guitar, the Manchester bag and sandwiches...like I said before (I think) if Lou makes it to TMC, good...if not, that's good too...
10AM--a week ago I had one, maybe two, original songs that I could possibly play in public...now I have almost ten of 'em...I wrote a new one and went back thru some of the older ones and refined them...
3:30PM-Lou and I were a 7 outta 10 IMO...
6:10PM--got home from the open mic about thirty minutes ago...I was surprised at how many people showed up, both Musicians and civilians...the weather was/is  pretty bad...at this point in time, the guitar and the Manchester bag are still in the car...I'm waiting for the rain to ease up some...
7:21PM--gonna go back out to get my guitar and bag (and phone) shortly...it has stopped raining completely for the time being...
            Looking ahead to Monday's open mic at GYY...It belatedly occurred to me that, well-known or not, I should play songs I like the most--because those are the ones I KNOW the most...for instance, I think I know Alice Cooper's  CLONES better than I know Bob Seger's TURN THE PAGE...in fact, I know some of my own songs better than TURN THE PAGE...I think I could sing/play CLONES w/o reading the lyric sheet, especially if I REHEARSE a little...I like the song therefore I know the song...I don't think anybody in the audience would be familiar with it...I would have to slow it down a bit, but that's no big deal to me...
               I'm not 100% sure but I think the guy I saw at the OTWC last night relied on his iPad/tablet more than a little...I once saw him absolutely mangle the words to GIVE ME ONE REASON--and he was USING a tablet!!! *I* think I could possibly do a halfway decent job singing it w/o any type of crutch...that is, if I had enough advance notice to give it a single listen on my phone...
            Someone I talked to today in Damascus said I could/should sneak an original tune into a three-song set, bracketed by two more well-known songs...because three originals by themselves is artistic suicide...unless yer at a SAW event...I feel NOW like I could do one Monday at GYY...perhaps my enthusiasm is causing delusionment...
            One of my other songwriter friends offered some valuable advice when it comes to writing lyrics...he said I should (generally) leave space...there's not much space in the words to SUBTERRANEAN  HOMESICK BLUES, but any rule can be broken and besides it's Dylan...Ya have to know the rules before you can break the rules...
SUNDAY 11/25/18 9AM--I asked Ray for some tips regarding songwriting; he sent me a LOT of info...
               

why now?

                     WEDNESDAY 11/21/18 11AM--lately I've been thinking about song writing, I'm not sure why...started one this morning...I was gonna give someone I know a recording of one of my instrumentals, thinking maybe she could put lyrics to it...then I started coming up with lyrics myself...as of now, it's an anti-Trump song...
             And I'm still itching to go to an open mic somewhere...gonna have to wait until (hopefully) Saturday...whatever's gonna happen, I wanna practice stuff...dunno where or when, but I really need to do that...
THURSDAY--finished the song...let's see how long it takes to NOT like the lyrics...

that’s more like it

            MONDAY 11/19/18 11:25PM-tonight I did a totally solo set at GYY...I got complimented a fair amount, and not just for a minute or two...I made up a setlist of six songs, half of which I'd done before...of the three songs I did tonight, I did one (MR. SOUL) for the first time alone...not sure why, but frankly I think I played/sang it better than the versions I've done with Lou (HE sang lead vocals)...I would actually give my set a 9.5--I struggled a teeny bit with the F# minor in DON'T CRY NO TEARS and there was a super fast boo boo in I AM A CHILD...for the first time, I talked to the audience a bit; I think I even glanced at them once or twice...I wonder if anybody shot video or took pix...
           I heard harmonies coming from the audience...it was Donate's friend and bandmate Jodie Morris...like me, she adds harmonies where there aren't any...oh no, am I infatuating again? Gotta nip it in the bud--right now...
                  The bad news? MontCo may be about to lose yet another place to play...It appears as though Xroads' days are numbered--dammit...it appears that the same may be said of IPO...
TUESDAY 11/20/18 8:35AM--still feeling good about last night's solo set at GYY...Dunno when or where I'm gonna get out again...I'm thinking maybe Damascus on Saturday, although that may mean doing that Lou&Scott thing...
      I was talking to a songwriter friend about lyrics, specifically NOT trying to fill every empty space...so I rewrote one of my songs, polishing the lyrics and possibly changing the rhythm of it, making it less "country"...
       I've just been given the green light for the trip to Damascus on Saturday...of course, a lot can happen between now and then...Lou is a maybe, he if DIDN'T make it, I would be OK...
10:25PM--really wishing I had an acoustic open mic coming up, but the next one I know is Saturday...
           

there IS a new year around the corner

         SUNDAY 11/18/18 9:27PM--Flakebook seems to be full of photos that Angela took last night...and yeah, I kinda wish I'd gone to Hershey's...but the driver's side front wheel sounds to me like it's getting worse...I'm hoping to get the car fixed on Tuesday...Dianne is (as far as I know) financing the repairs...
         Maybe the new year will bring a major change in my Musical life...I keep seeing all that Danger Bird this, Danger Bird that on FB...I know Alan is better looking than me and is the rhythm guitarist (Kennedy is, as far as I know, the lead guitarist, meaning theoretically, HE gets all the solos) but couldn't Kennedy have asked me if I wanted to join his Neil Young Tribute Band? Maybe I'm not as good a Musician as I think I am...or I'm really ugly...
      MONDAY 11/19/18 11:40AM--still listening to MY Music, and getting emotional about it...thinking about giving Angela a CD of one of my songs and letting HER add lyrics...
      Dunno yet if anything is happening tonight at GYY...I might go if there is--maybe...
2:30PM--I thought I'd be sleeping, but I'm not...the nap actually lasted about an hour...gonna go work on the deck at 3:00 after which I think I'm going to the grocery store...
   So I went to the grocery store, got some stuff...came home and dropped the gallon of milk...took two Xanax as soon as I finished cleaning up the living room floor, which the cleaning ladies had cleaned about 7 hours earlier...I charged the groceries so I was allowed to keep (as a loan) the $20 Dianne gave me...
              I think I'm going to GYY if I have to walk...don't feel like doing anything, but I'm gonna go...

if it’s not my looks then what is it?

SATURDAY 11/17/18 - I just don’t understand why I’m not in a good working band...has Stoney been bad mouthing me? Is being in a band with Barry a major handicap? and why did HE dump me from the duo? I kinda wanna know and I don’t wanna know, ya know?
       Nervously waiting for Angela...

      Angela  came in, asked me how I was...I said “I just got better...” meaning that seeing her made me feel better...then we immediately went our separate ways...I’m not sure she knew what I meant...
          3 Song Sadie absolutely needs a better lead singer...otherwise they’re OK...turns out I knew three of the members of the opening act...THEY don't need me...but 3 Song Sadie does...frankly, the lead singer was terrible...

11:10PM--as I was leaving Xroads I ran into "Rockville Mike"...we chatted a bit and then I noticed Angela seemed to be sitting alone...just as I went back inside, she got up to try to take a few pictures...suddenly, as she stood next to me she opened her jacket to reveal more than a little cleavage...I'm convinced she knew exactly what she was doing--torturing ME...I think she was gonna go to Hershey's...I feel as though I was giving her the opportunity to suggest I go there too...but she didn't...I didn't really wanna hear a blues band anyway...so now I'm just decompressing, winding down...

It may be pathetic, but I've been listening to my handful of demo recordings lately...I don't think it's just my imagination, I DO have some Musical ability dammit...the demos were done circa 2006...surely I'm a better singer and guitarist now than I was then...
                   Dianne will be outta work until February (LONG story, don't ask) and so I feel like I can't sit around strumming my acoustic much less go work in the recording lab...and I've pretty much forgotten what little I knew about recording, etc. anyway...it'll be just like starting over (sigh)

am I being selfish?

              FRIDAY 11/2/18 8AM--Lou wants to go to either GYY or Xroads...*I* vote for GYY; I kinda wanna keep Xroads to myself...and who knows, by Tuesday I might have an original song up my sleeve...I'm too wiped now to do much of anything...I've got laundry to do, groceries to buy, hair that needs cutting...and  a car that needs repairing...
6:46PM--the laundry didn't get done and the car didn't get repaired--it DID get its' first oil change since I took possession of it in August (?) 2017...If I can find the time and energy this weekend, I might work on songwriting...maybe...
9:30PM--I dunno for sure, of course, but I don't think it will be raining tomorrow morning...I think the roomie will have a green light to go to the G-town flea market...I don't think I should go...maybe I'll do some laundry...

fooling myself?

            MONDAY 10/29/18 3:13PM--I think I close to getting the hang of editing vids on my phone...what I SHOULD do is practice the songs...shortly I will attempt to do that, and time the set as well...still have lingering doubts as to whether or not I should actually be pursuing this course of action--the solo acoustic act, that is...

8:18PM-now I have visual proof that I’m as bad as Rockville Mike...VERY depressing...I wonder if a Xanax would help...I will try the set at Crossroads tomorrow evening, after taking a Xanax-but not gonna do the video thing...

9:44PM-I didn’t have any fun tonight...I mentioned that on Flakebook...nobody has offered me any encouragement, yet...

TUESDAY 10/30/18 11:11AM--since yesterday evening Barry has weighed in, in a fairly positive way...Ray also, in a somewhat vague way, offered some positive advice...so I still plan on going to Crossroads tonight...I've already done a teeny bit of practising and I expect to do a teeny bit more later today...what I think I SHOULD do is make up a 15 or 20 minute set and run through it as many times as I can until Dianne gets home...
11:35AM--I actually watched a little of the video I shot last night...parts of it were OK--not great, but ok...I possibly made myself nervous about playing at Gumbo Ya Ya...I will talk myself into being relaxed at Crossroads...and take a Xanax before I leave the house...
3:12 PM-did a little bit of practising...learned the "right" way to play Yesterday--I was putting more in it than was necessary, so I took out the excess stuff...I actually feel rather confident about tonight's set...I think RUBY TUESDAY is gonna go really well, YESTERDAY fairly well, IS SHE...will likely be OK, and WELL RESPECTED will be OK...that's four...I guess I won't get in anymore practice, but I think I'll be OK...
6:41PM-I took a Xanax; let’s see what happens...Alan just walked in...Angela may not be far behind...UPDATE-probably no Angela after all...
7:40PM-maybe I WILL keep going with the (sorta) solo thing...Alan’s guitar and vocal parts were a teeny bit distracting, but I didn’t care-thank you Xanax...and yes I DO think the little bit of practice might have made a difference...
9:49PM--like I said, there were boo-boos, but none of the songs completely collapsed...I'm now feeling optimistic...
WEDNESDAY-so here I am at Crossroads, hoping to play some blues...Gooch isn’t here yet; hardly anyone else is either...at the most I can do four blues songs-and they're all songs that have been overplayed for a long time...
UPDATE-a couple more Musicians are now here...and I’m more nervous than I was before...and, I just found out, I get. to play behind Sally-oh boy...but I’m gonna have Jeff on the other side of the stage...
11:37PM--I had a LOT of fun at the Jazz/Blues Jam...it was even fun accompanying Sally...
8:35PM-hangin’ out at the OTWC...suddenly flirting with songwriting...let’s see how long the flirtation lasts...speaking for myself, musically at least, all I’m doing is imitating other musicians...maybe that will work with songwriting...maybe...
9:25PM-let’s see if I still have these urges when I wake up tomorrow...Rob says “just do it” so I just might give it a shot...and yet part of me says “who are you kidding?” Shouldn’t I be satisfied with what I CAN do?

progress

       
                     SUNDAY 12:48PM--I think the tripod is gonna work fine...but *I* have to learn how to edit videos...LATER--I think I might possibly know how to edit vids on my phone, maybe...and because I've been doing stuff today, I'll likely have less stuff to do tomorrow; which should leave me more time to practice whatever songs I hope to do at GYY and shoot a video of the performance...I might just try that in the morning after Dianne goes to work...pick out four songs, set up the camera, start it, play the songs then stop the camera...then edit a bit of the beginning and a bit of the ending...

                 I think I should leave home at about 10AM to go to my appointment with Dr. Malinsky...Dianne is usually gone by 7-ish; it shouldn't take three hours to shoot and edit a 20 minute video, right?

5:25PM--the tripod instructions tell me nothing about the ways it can be adjusted...I'm figuring them out on my own...I really do think I can squeeze in a short test right after Dianne goes to work tomorrow...we'll see...

aftermath

                   FRIDAY 10/26/18 6:35PM--One of the guest singers at last night's open mic put up three or four vids on FB...The Bass player's wife put her video of me singing LOLA on youTube...*I* then posted it on Flakebook...All things considered , like no rehearsal whatsoever, I did OK...but boy, the whole gig  wiped me out...I'm pretty sure I'll be in bed before 11PM--unless of course I get a second wind...

               Looking forward to Monday, Tuesday...and even Wednesday...it seems like a good system, two acoustic nights followed by one electric (Blues) night...

SATURDAY 10/27/18 8:17PM--suddenly it feels like I'm gonna be busy the next couple of days...I intend to buy a cell phone tripod on Sunday...tomorrow I need to practice whatever songs I'm gonna do at GYY on Monday, and practice shooting a video...the table where I've sitting at GYY should be perfect for recording my set...Crossroads? There too I think I know a good spot to place my phone...and I think I can edit out the very start of the video, which would likely show me setting up the shot...gotta practice THAT too...

SUNDAY 12:48PM--I think the tripod is gonna work fine...but *I* have to learn how to edit videos...

back to the old neighborhood, sorta

                     WEDNESDAY 10/24/18 7:45AM--now that I should start thinking about the 4th Thursday Open Mic at the OTWC, which is tomorrow, what I FEEL like doing is practising the acoustic songs...go figure...I'll start thinking about tomorrow's open mic tomorrow...in a little while, I'll go to Safeway, then I'll come home and have an early Lunch--I'm planning on having a Potomac Pizza for Dinner, expensive though it ultimately is...
        Just got back from Safeway...thinking about maybe going to the Blues/Jazz open mic at Crossroads tonight--I said "maybe"...should make sure I can still play electric guitar and make sure my gear works...apparently the Fantle/Geshen duo is finished...I thought we were actually pretty good, but maybe *I* wasn't good enough...nah, that can't be it...
             Likely going to a nearby Jazz and Blues Jam...leaving in about an hour...dunno what to expect, kinda nervous...
        and NOW I'm nervous about Thursday night...Stoney is interfering with my performance of LOLA, *I* dunno why...why shouldn't I be in charge of that song? I'M the person singing it...
8:48PM-the blues set (three songs) went well enough; I shared it with Roger...had Andy on drums...there may be more later, I dunno...I DON’T want Tim Meese on Bass IF I get to play again... I don’t expect to, and that’s fine by me... I did get some compliments for both my guitar playing AND singing...
THURSDAY 10/25/18 7:38AM--so far my very low key refusal to go along with Stoney's suggestion regarding LOLA has been ignored...I suspect there will be friction at the 3PM load-in...and I guess I'll be back on Butch's side of the stage; I don't like that, but there doesn't seem to be anyplace onstage for me that doesn't affect someone's hearing...this may be my last gig as house guitarist; do I need that $50 bucks that much? is it worth the stress?
5:30PM--the load-in was free of conflict, as far as I can tell...hoping to have fun tonight...
10:29PM-The Kinks set went better than I thought it would…LOLA  went better than the last time I try to sing it here, because this time I had the lyrics in front of me…but it coulda been better...

and we start again

            SUNDAY 10/21/18 8:07PM--so tomorrow I should think about what songs I might sing at Gumbo Ya Ya that evening, if any...I don't feel like thinking about it now...and I'm seriously considering putting new strings on the Fender acoustic...
     MONDAY 10/22/18 9:15AM--going out shortly to do stuff...was having second thoughts about going to Gumbo Ya Ya...and then just about the first thing I saw on Flakebook was the BobFest version of MY BACK PAGES...that might mean something...I just dunno what...
      7:15PM- i’m damn near last on the list here at gumbo Ya Ya…I’ll never get used to playing solo in front of people if there aren’t any people to play solo in front of; and I’m assuming Donate and her two friends had a discussion with Rob about singing with him...
         As of now I’m doing all Dylan songs...might mix it up a bit-or not...maybe I shoulda worn louder clothing...I’m feeling invisible...well, that’s what can happen when you’re solo I guess...kinda sorry I came here tonight...do I want an audience or not? *I* have no idea...
9PM-I was kinda prepared to work solo, but Donate had another idea...there IS strength in numbers...so Voices Three will likely join me on RELEASED...and I’m only gonna do two and a half songs...
10:35PM-but those two and a half songs went pretty damn well, if I do say so myself...and the audience was a big enuff...Donate sez she recorded me...I  guess I'll see it sometime Tuesday...now I can think about the open mic at Crossroads...
         I've got a setlist of five songs...I really intend to rehearse at least some of them...not sure what I would do if I needed a sixth song; maybe I should give it some thought...
TUESDAY 10/23/18.  7:35PM- just finished my set at Crossroads... I absolutely sucked...Angela showed up; that was bad enough... then Alan Main showed up...he’s sitting with her...that’s kinda like pouring salt into the wound...I woulda been better if I had spent a LOT more time rehearsing... I think if I could leave now, I would…if I remember, next time I’ll take a Xanax...IF there’s gonna be a next time...
      It had to happen eventually...I’m wondering if I was meant to do this solo acoustic thing after all…maybe I’m being too hard on myself-MAYBE...after all, I’ve only been doing the solo thing for about three weeks, (since about 10/2) and the performances have been at least halfway decent...until tonight, that is...
9PM-soooo glad Alan and I did Guinevere...that damn near makes up for my solo set..I did have trouble keeping it together during it...dunno if anyone could tell...after the fact, one of the performers said, "I thought you would join me for THE LEE SHORE"...I sure as hell wanted to, but he didn't ask me...an evening best forgotten...

getting better bit by bit

                FRIDAY 10/19/18 1:15AM--my solo set at the OTWC open mic went pretty well IMO; I had a bassist and another guitarist (Johnny the host) accompanying me for the whole set, so it wasn't really solo, was it? But it felt pretty good...a member of the audience said to me "you're good" when I came offstage and sat down...that means a lot...
        By the time I got up to play, the place was nearly empty...I guess everyone was at Hershey's...oh well..I did 7 (?) songs...the hang-up about doing Rising Sun Blues has been overcome I think...I did that one without any "insurance"...but I had a lyric sheet for STREETS OF BALTIMORE, a last minute choice--and still stumbled with that one a little bit...The hardest thing I had to endure was listening to Rockville Mike trying to convince me that his single acoustic guitar arrangement of GOOD VIBRATIONS actually worked--it absolutely DOES NOT...I hope *I* don't sound to others as bad as he sounds to me...
           IF I can go to the Gazebo Jam--IF it happens, I might go...on the other hand, it might be a good time to go to the movies...

       

our first major disagreement?

       
              TUESDAY 10/16/18 6:50AM--I dunno why, but Lou wants us to play SOUTHERN MAN at the Neil Young Tribute on Wednesday...I do not...aside from the fact that I don't like the song that much, I'm pretty sure *I* can't hit the high notes...he'll be here in about five hours and nine minutes...he also wants us to play THE LONER--I'm worried about some of those notes as well...
             4:45PM--Lou and I did not fight over song selection, or anything else...I plan to focus on tomorrow night's Neil Young Tribute Show tomorrow...as for tonight, I'm going to Crossroads; I'm NOT gonna try to do the same songs I tried to do last night at Gumbo Ya Ya...I'm not 100% sure what songs I WILL be doing, but I'll get that figured out on the way to Crossroads...
         Tonight's open mic will start at 8 (sign up at 7:30) and go until 10...I guess that's just a one time thing...
             9:53PM-my solo set (3 songs) went pretty well...I’d give myself an 8 on a scale of 10...Howard played percussion on two of the songs, maybe all three, I don’t remember...NOW I gotta focus on NEIL...
        WEDNESDAY 9:21AM--I have LOTSA choices of songs I could do at the OTWC tomorrow, if I wanna...I DO think I should start with songs I already know really well, like LMYR or...No Tears...or Goin' Nowhere...or Tambourine Man...or...I'll Get You...
 4:06PM--leaving soon to get Dinner at Wendy's (probably) then it's on to Damascus...I'm more ready now than I was this morning...I'm hoping that's ready enough...
      10:05PM--just got home from Damascus...I'd say Lou and I were an 8 on a scale of ten...a fair amount of the time I couldn't hear my guitar, so I didn't play--which cut the number of mistakes I made down a bunch...much to my surprise, I made $25 bucks...Don't Cry No Tears went fairly well, just one boo boo that I remember...

anxiety for nuthin'

                          FRIDAY 10/12/18 8AM--I've been up for about an hour and a half and I'm 90% packed already...I see no reason to do Laundry, so I won't...I plan on stopping at Giant on the way to Linda's to get small amounts of a few things...
                   Dunno if I'm going out tonight, but I wanna go to the Music Café tomorrow afternoon...I did not get to play a single note of my own last night at the Acoustic Open Mic...apparently, I didn't make it clear to Charlie that I wanted to do a set...I DID tell him "I wanna go on between 10 and 10:30."  What did he think that meant? I'm disappointed...and relieved...So I'll set my sights on Damascus on Saturday afternoon...whether Lou goes or not--maybe...otherwise I'll be at Gumbo Ya Ya on Monday...IF there's a Gazebo Jam I MIGHT be able to go...

plenty o' songs

      WEDNESDAY 10/10/18 7:30AM--I'm pretty sure I'm NOT gonna go to Ray's show tonight...I'm gonna prepare for Charlie's acoustic open mic tomorrow night...I plan to actually rehearse a bit...which songs? THAT I dunno...when? I'm not sure...I seem to be in solo mode lately and going to see Ray would make a sideman outta me; I'm good at that, but I wanna try something different...I haven't been doing it long enough to know for sure if I like it, but I think I do...

                 And I found that other songbook--it was in my room the whole time...I don't think I need her permission, but I just asked SLR if I can use "our" arrangement of HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN...I think it was my arrangement, based on her instructions to NOT sound like the Animals' version...

               

keep on tryin'

                 SUNDAY 10/7/18 6PM--somewhat unintentionally I've begun assembling another collection of lyrics...unlike some people I know, I (hopefully) won't be reading off of them when I sing the songs...but if I need 'em, they'll be there...before I go any further I should look in the basement for the batches I've prepared in the past...getting excited/nervous about going to Gumbo Ya Ya tomorrow, not to mention Crossroads on Tuesday...

     TUESDAY 10/9/18 9:30PM--Went to Gumbo Ya Ya (Monday) AND Crossroads  (Tuesday)...played a couple of songs solo before Lou arrived...MIGHT go surprise Ray at KILLARNEY HOUSE on Wednesday...and I'm hoping to go to the OTWC on Thursday...it's easier to enjoy the solo acoustic thing when ya have the right guitar to play...or the duo/group acoustic thing too for that matter...I think the guitar deserves a hardshell case, but they seem rather expensive...

the big day?

SATURDAY 9/6/18 8AM--so my first gig (in a long LONG time) with the Oz Revue starts about seven hours from now...I'm including travel time--a detour to collect Oz in Silver Spring...the gig ends at 11:30(?) so I should be home by 1 AM Sunday...I already feel guilty about maybe not having studied enough...but I'm not gonna worry too much about that...
             I woke up at about 3AM, and fell back to sleep a little after 6--only to be awakened at 7 by Dianne leaving for Germantown...I'm considering a late Lunch, like 2PM more or less...I could (should?) start my midday nap at 11AM or Noon and be up by 2, which gives me about 45 minutes to make and eat Lunch (and load the car) before I leave for Silver Spring--in order to be there by 3:30...that should put me (and Oz) in Upper Marlboro by 4:30...I think we have to have most of our stuff set up by 6...we start at 7:30, that implies that we have time for Dinner; I believe they're serving (lotsa) food...
            I'm going to CVS to get a flu shot and buy M&Ms, a couple of bags at least...better to have 'em and not need 'em than to need 'em and not have 'em...but FIRST I'm gonna go get breakfast.
        I cleaned out the car as much as I can; it'll have to do...eBay and the Mudd bag are already in the living room...gotta bring the amp UP from the basement and Butterscotch DOWN from my room...
 SUNDAY 2AM--I 'd give the Oz Revue a 7 on a scale of 10, and that wasn't all my fault...but now I can start thinking about Monday at Gumbo Ya Ya...
  9:18AM--yep, thinking a lot about tomorrow's open mic...Lou might come and that may affect my chance to do the solo thing...we'll see...

branching out or that's more like it

       TUESDAY 10/2/18 10:09 PM--not at all sure why it happened, but I played/sang about a half a dozen songs at the Crossroads Acoustic open mic--ALONE...I'd give myself a 7 on a scale of 10...I MIGHT do that again, somewhere...

8:43AM--Jackie, the hostess was especially complimentary; it's possible she was just being polite...I have no evidence to support or disprove that theory...unless somebody took photos or shot video...

12:32PM--just talked to Oz...he says we're getting $100 each on Saturday...I can definitely live with that...not happy about possibly bringing a second passenger though...me and Oz and the equipment fills the car enough for my tastes...we'll see...Barry's doing another gig with some other guy; I dunno why...it hurts a little, but (possibly) so do some of the things I've said behind his back...

           As for those two other phone calls, I might get one of 'em done after my nap...which could be starting at about 1:30 if not sooner...

FRIDAY 10/5/18 8:30AM--going to Victor Litz later...Plan A is to come home with a different guitar...Plan B is to put Epi in the shop, however long THAT'S gonna take...I'm probably delusional, but *I* think Plan A is not completely outta the question...

4PM--Incredibly, for $40 cash, I came home with a new Fender ac/el guitar...if I'm not dreamin', it plays good, sounds good plugged in or not...I hope to bring it to Gumbo Ya Ya on Monday and of course Crossroads on Tuesday...already getting excited about THAT...and I'm happy about the way preparations for the gig with Oz are going...there may be a few songs I don't know as well as I should, will likely do some studying tonight--it might help, it might not...

finally! or A Patience Test

               TUESDAY 9/25/18 7:26PM--Last night at an open mic, I sang the best lead vocal of my Life...I sang the third verse of  Dylan's I SHALL BE RELEASED...hopefully I'll sing as well on Thursday as I did last night; I sounded the way I do when I sing alone in my car...by which I mean free, no inhibitions...it was a revelation...I'm glad there were witnesses...I don't think there are any videos...there might be pictures, I have no idea...
        FRIDAY 9/28/18 2:18PM--I did a bunch of lead singing last night...I couldn't really hear the vocals  very well, but to some degree that was my fault...there is a snippet of a video in which one can hear three part harmonies on FLIP FLOP & FLY, that sounds good to me...I was considering trading the gizmo for store credit so I could buy a couple more pedals; then I realised I was dissatisfied because I don't have the patience needed to spend however much time it would take to tweak the gizmo to my satisfaction...maybe I can do that on Monday...and not be so impatient...thinking off the top of my head, I wanna start using the gizmo in (mostly) manual mode...I would only use Memory Mode for the more "unusual" patches--OCTAVE, COMPRESSION, HARMONIES...some of the patches are "song specific" and in a sense "band specific" as well...I only use them when I'm gigging with Combustibles...
            And now, naturally, I'm excited about working in the "gizmo Lab"--maybe I can do that tomorrow morning while the roomie is out doing stuff...not too early, but still...and rather than notate the numerical value of each and every parameter for each of the FOUR pedals, I'll just play it by ear--after all, every room sounds different...so, tomorrow morning for instance, I'll set it for the kitchen...maybe I can test it out at the IPO on Tuesday...both the Monday open mics are acoustic...the only two stompboxes that feel absolutely essential to me are the distortion and the chorus...but maybe I could/would use more than just those two sounds if I was playing electric guitar somewhere...is it that much more of a hassle than using the Manchester Bag? Slightly, but not by much...
         SATURDAY--starting to think about tomorrow's gig w/Michelle...I'm probably just gonna take Epi and hope for the best...I think the weather is gonna be super nice...I plan to wear shorts...
           On the other hand, I AM a better player when I use electric guitar and when HE did the gig with Michelle, Rick used his electric gear...innaresting...

I THINK I'm glad she's in Seattle...

           if in fact, that's where Karie actually lives...I can't offhand name any other Woman that intrigues AND unsettles me more...and of course it's such a colossal waste of time to think about what might have been...generally that's true of a lot of situations, not just relationships...I'm probably giving up on having some bizarre kind of relationship with Angela...what she doesn't seem to know won't hurt me, right?
            A Neil Young Trib Band is playing at the OTWC on Friday...I hope I don't go...The only reason I can think of for NOT being offered the chance to audition is that Kennedy is afraid of competition...I KNOW that sounds super duper conceited, but that doesn't mean it's not true...being left out of things hurts...

not MY idea

               
                   THURSDAY 9/20/18 8:15AM--I feel like I'm not a very good guitarist in a trio situation...that's not a cop-out, it's true...and it's not a good or bad thing, it just is what it is...I don't think ANY of my "teachers" would be as good in a trio situation as they were in a fairly big group...Garcia in the Dead, Dickey and Duane in the Allman Bros., Neil...IMO not many guitarists CAN function in a rock trio; The Oz Revue is technically a trio, with a lead vocalist and a saxophonist...I don't think I'm even gonna TRY to fill up the sound of the Revue...I'm hoping that eventually the other band members will come around to my way of thinking...I can't be John Lennon AND Jerry Garcia at the same time...
           As far as the audition went, I accidently brought Butterscotch instead of eBay...not that it mattered...I knew most of the songs; and the two or three that I didn't quite know are easy enough...

so what IS the problem?

          I wish I knew why I'm shunned by many in MontCo Music Community...I just don't get it...is my association with Barry hurting me? I am pretty sure everybody knows the Combustibles suck; no one ever comes to see us...what all those people might not know is that *I* know we suck...
         I know I'm not good looking, so maybe that's it...Does anybody/everybody think I'm weird? Do they lump me in with Howard Roberts? I know that's not the nicest thing I could say, but I believe that generally he's not the most popular member of my social circle, however large it may or may not be...
          Whatever the problem is, is it something I can change? and why should I change? Take me as I am, right? As hard as I try, I just can't be mellow or blend in with a crowd...Although I was fairly invisible at the Crimestoppers gig on Saturday 9/15...that still hurts a bit...and now suddenly Karn doesn't wanna talk to me on FB--I wonder what's going on?
     TUESDAY 9/18/18 10PM--met up with Karn, got the Epi back...it's better than it was...whether it could use further work, *I* don't know...Jeff seems to think so...at any rate I had a good time at the Crossroads open mic...I can't honestly say for sure how important it is to me that the host or hostess be impressed with me, but Jackie indicated that she was...and that makes me feel good...
       Now I can focus on the audition/practice with Oz, scheduled for 7PM tomorrow in Falls Church...I plan on leaving the Gizmo at home...

interesting way to end the year

FRIDAY 9/14/18 9:49PM--on November 10th the Combustibles are scheduled to play at Clyde's in Chevy Chase...that may be my last gig with the Combustibles...about a month before that, I'm doing my first (?) gig with the Oz Revue...
SATURDAY 9:23AM--gig anxiety starting already...I'm gonna try TRY to ignore all the mistakes I'm gonna hear tonight...
 4:30PM--I guess that's the new normal--hoping the gig gets cancelled...or ends a little early...gonna TRY to record some of it...maybe I should pick and choose which songs I record...perhaps I should record our worst songs instead of our best...If I can't find a good spot to place the phone on, I won't bother...not that I need evidence to prove that the Combustibles are pretty bad...I trust my ears to tell me the Truth...and for better or worse, there are vids on youTube--but they're not easy to find...
   6:20PM- starting to work hard at being calm...it’s never easy...
 so much for being calm… I kinda blew up at Barry while we were setting up...LATER--I’ve made some recordings but I don’t know what they sound like yet…
9:45PM- another hour and a half to go… Hopefully we’ll call it an early night; I dunno what the recording will tell me, but my ears tell me we suck... it wouldn’t hurt me a bit if we left early and lost a few bucks in the process...My feet are too big for the Gizmo pedals...I only need it for certain songs that we play...I think for the Oz Revue I'll use the Gizmo in Manual Mode most of the time...
SUNDAY 12:47 AM  such a bizarre night...I wanted to go to the OTWC after my gig--and so I did...Angela was there and I met her friend Ann...I got up onstage and add a third harmony part to WHEN YOU DANCE...it was perfect of course, and Angela missed it... someone noticed I wasn't wearing my glasses...I realised I must have left them at PJs--THAT  pissed me off--a LOT...so I started to go back to hopefully get them...to my surprise they were in the front seat...then suddenly I couldn't find my phone...I must have left THAT at the OTWC...thankfully it too was hidden on the front seat...NOT losing my glasses or my phone are the only good things that happened all evening IMO...I did see Jessica, and got a hug, but really why bother...Coleen ignored me for whatever reason...and I have no f**king idea what, if anything Ann thinks about me...this has mostly been an evening to NOT remember...
Except that I verified to myself that I'm one of the best harmony singers in Montgomery County...WHEN YOU DANCE  was almost magical...I'd never sung that one with the band before..
8:54AM--I feel like got to the baseball game after the seventh inning stretch....and at that point, why bother, right? well hindsight IS 20/20...
              I listened to some of the recordings I made...the SOUND is really bad, but part of that is because of where the recording device was and part of it IMO was the lousy sound Barry came up with...my vocals seem buried to me--standard procedure...every one of us made mistakes...the good news is that hardly anyone was there to hear 'em...
           Even if I was TOTALLY independent, with my own place to live, I would still not be having a relationship with another Woman...why? mostly because I'm not even close to being handsome...and there's not thing one I can do about that...not to mention my inability to "satisfy" a Woman--hell, I can't "please" myself...that is, to me at least, a major bummer...

a bad time to be impatient

       Even if I COULD have some kind of physical relationship with another woman, I'd likely be in too much of a hurry to "cut to the chase" as it were...and of course, it would hurt Dianne horribly...and I don't wanna do that...but if I could pursue any woman, it just might be Angela...of course I have no idea how she'd react to that...and maybe I don't wanna know...

MONDAY--and yet I came perilously close to telling how I think I feel about her in an FB exchange...she says she's gonna be at the IPO open mic tomorrow...I guess that means I'm going too, right?

TUESDAY 8AM--a lot of my thoughts are of NEXT  month's fourth Thursday; I think we're focusing on the songs of Bob Dylan...the rest of my thoughts seem to be of Angela...but I feel like such a horrible person--I don't think she's much of a singer, at least not judging from what I heard on ReverbNation...maybe those recordings are from a couple of years ago, if not more...I think she told me she was taking voice lessons...*I* think that's a good idea, and (to some degree) the lyrics need work...

8:30PM-Angela is here, as is Faye...had a nice enough chat with her...

that's who we're playing for, right?

SUNDAY 8/26/18 2AM--I surprised Ray at his gig at Pirates' Cove...DIANNE wanted to go, I would have been fine staying home...again, members of the audience were generous with their compliments to me; not sure what to make of the adulation...but it sure felt good...I wasn't onstage all night long...I played some lead guitar, sang some background parts and even played Bass a bit...

         Had a VERY interesting talk with Stoney this afternoon... long story short (for now) I think I'll forgive him for what he once said about no one wanting to be in a band with me...I'll assume/hope he was a bit under the influence of alcohol at the time...he seemed a bit remorseful that we had seemingly drifted apart...he was very complimentary about my performance at the open mic this past Thursday...

SUNDAY 11AM--you'd think I have had more than enough jamming and whatnot--and physically that's true...and yet I wish I could go to a jam that a guy I sorta know is having at his house...unfortunately, the roomie won't be leaving the house until about 4:30...the jam starts at Noon and ends at 7PM...oh well...by the time she does leave, I will start slowly but surely winding down, and won't feel like doing anything...

a sense of relief

       FRIDAY 8/17/18 6:51PM--now that I've had an intimate conversation with Cara's Father, I can stop being nervous about her...I haven't yet stopped thinking about her the way a boy thinks about a girl...Her Dad described her as being "26 going on 17"--I actually understand what he means....I'm 63 going on 30 or so...

and so we start yet again

WEDNESDAY 8/15 9AM- because I had $140 when I started this morning plus the 820 from Social Security, I feel relatively secure financially… I guess I will have to continue pinching pennies the way I did when I was working… any frivolous spending that I even half heartedly considered is out of the question…

what could THAT possibly mean?

      I dreamt that I pleasured myself--orally, for quite awhile...and I woke up not the least bit aroused...I guess I'm "deader" down there than I thought...Angela told me last night that she was 50...I know my eyesight isn't what it used to be, but *I* think she could pass for 30--not that it even matters what I think...

a chance to say "thanx, but no..."

           A guy I know (Paul) seems to be trying to get me to join his band...Maybe if the keyboard player was someone other than Rick (the kb player for the Combustibles) I'd think about it...In my opinion, neither Paul (guitar) or Robert (drums) are as good as I would like them to be...unless they've gotten better since I last heard them play, which was quite awhile ago I admit...it's easy to say :no" sometimes, but HOW? that's another thing altogether...
          Paul has called TWICE so far...I need to tell him something, right? I can't tell him The Truth, can I? At the same time I'm working with Cara (or whoever she is) on an ABBA song...and I think Angela is working on SOMEBODY TO LOVE...I hope to go to the Crossroads open mic tonight--just in case Angela goes too...
           She did go, and I did too...it didn't go well...I wouldn't be surprised if she changes her Mind about singing with the house band on the 23rd...

THEN what would I do?

            Lately, I've kinda sorta been wondering if it is at all possible for me to have a fairly serious relationship of some kind with another woman...and then I remember that my ability to, er, uh, satisfy her is severely hampered by my diabetes and/or the various meds I take for it and the various other medical problems I live with...Satisfying myself takes a LOT of effort, and it's not really worth it...and yet I find myself looking around...and I don't know why...

he doesn't really want me to answer that, does he?

       On the way to our gig in Virginia, Barry said (paraphrasing) "I don't know what I'm gonna do about the band..." In my head I answered "end it"...Before I could stop myself, I expressed the idea that I was befuddled by the idea that, as Stoney once told me, nobody seems to want me in their band...I STILL hate mysteries...considering that we hadn't practiced in what seems like several months, we were pretty good...but  that's not saying much...

and so we start again

WEDNESDAY 7AM--I don't owe the roomie for the ink cartridge or the Ray benefit anymore...or my phone, for that matter...I still owe $500 for the car repairs...and yet I'm hoping to put $100 into savings...I'm crossing my fingers...
12:40PM--not too sure about that $100 going into savings--I'm buying my Tele back on Friday...
FRIDAY--So I got the Tele back, for $100 bucks...going to the Music Café open mic tomorrow...
SATURDAY-I went to the Music Cafe with high hopes...IMO Lou and I kinda sucked..

she's leaving it up to me

      My Doctor wants me to make "lifestyle changes" in an attempt to get rid of this condition I have...it seems to be some form of depression or something...she seems afraid to add to the fairly long list of meds I take daily...she suggests walking more than I do now--which is hardly at all...the car (and the air conditioner) are still working...
THURSDAY 6/14/18--I'm still flirting with a cold; therefore I don't expect to go out anywhere tonight...the good news is that I already have two cans of chicken noodle soup...some money saved...it's way early, but it's a good day so far...
9:20PM--the Beach Boys Trib Band went to Smokin' Hot and played a few...they seem to have found someone to take my place...If there's a video, I haven't seen it--yet....there IS a photo, though...and there was a woman there I would theoretically like to "know better"...her name is Angela Drago...I hope she comes to Smokin' Hot on the 28th...and yet, I'm kinda hoping she doesn't...
FRIDAY 6:30PM--Gary sent me a video of the Trib Band playing LITTLE DEUCE COUPE...it's NOT sour grapes on my part, but it's not all that good...it's not horrible, but *I* think it coulda been better...
SATURDAY 9:29AM--I think I really wanna go out tonight; just to break up the monotony...but if I still feel like this at dinnertime, I'll stay home...allegedly taking a shower will make me feel better, but that will probably only last long enough to go shopping and have Lunch...it's how I feel AFTER the nap that matters...I'll make the decision at dinnertime...
SUNDAY 7PM--I went to the OTWC and Hershey's...the café was a bit too crowded for me but I hung in there for about two hours...then I went to Hershey's...a "handicapped" Oz Revue was playing...their regular drummer was absent, as was their regular bass player...Oz, with his wireless mic, made a couple of stops at my table...I took advantage of that situation...
        Lou and I are going out tomorrow, to the Stonehouse Grill...a lot could happen a a few days but the Combustibles' rehearsal is scheduled for Thursday, unfortunately...no OTWC open mic for me, I guess...
MONDAY--apparently some Musicians base their relationships on Politics as much as Music...*I* don't do that and frankly that does make me feel slightly superior...it bothers me considerably that anybody would do that...maybe THAT'S the reason Stu Judd put the Derwood Dog back together as a trio, without me...and Stoney formed a band with just one guitarist...it makes me quite sad...
TUESDAY--Stoney of all people sez he doesn't let politics determine who he plays Music with...I'm not so sure...I keep coming back to the question "Why didn't he consider me for his latest Project?" If *I* ever were to put a band together it would have TWO guitarists, bass, drums and keyboards...and maybe even a female vocalist...I need to let it go, if I can...but it hurts, at least a little...

that's a sign, right?

              I have become infatuated with a certain young woman; I have no idea how old she is...Like other similar past episodes, I'm not gonna act on it...I can't seem to remember her name--it's AMBER...*I* think that's an unusual name, although FB has dozens of them, according to the search I did...
          It feels like my inability to keep her name in my head is a sign from the Universe to smother whatever feelings I think I have for her...and so I will...

suddenly I felt wanted and needed

        FRIDAY 5/25/18 1:35AM--just got in from the OTWC open mic...got to play a bunch...the official house guitarist gave me $20 bucks...I refused it at first, but ultimately accepted Paul's generosity...I had a considerable amount of fun...and played pretty well IMO...but I need time to recover...at least all of the rest of today...

NOON--considering I've gone out three nights in a row, I feel pretty good...I have NO PLANS whatsoever to go out tonight, and probably not tomorrow night either...feeling rather euphoric over my night at the OTWC...let's see how long that lasts...

   

a giant step outside the comfort zone

         
          Tomorrow (Tuesday) I plan to go to an open mic in (northern) Glen Burnie...it's about two miles away from the house I grew up in...I won't be leaving in about 24 hours but I can already feel butterflies hatching in my stomach...I might have company, but if I don't that's OK too...
       WEDNESDAY 9AM--the people at the Birdcage were, as Sue Ellen had said, the friendliest bunch of folks...I will go back, just not every week; and probably not once the Sun starts going down by 6PM...it felt weird...I kept looking at people wondering if I knew their parents...or grandparents...

3:50PM--as far as last night went, I played some; I sucked AND I was having technical difficulties...naturally one of my cords decided to short out at THIS particular time… I have no idea if I’m going to be able to get back up there tonight but I wouldn’t mind... I wouldn’t call the trip a complete waste of time-yet…I’d say my playing was MAYBE a “6”...and my singing was a "7"...and an old friend showed up, although he didn't come to play...he actually ran the open mic itself a few years ago...IF Dianne goes out tonight, I'll go to the IPO open mic...I don't think I'll have cable problems, but who knows?