fooling myself?

            MONDAY 10/29/18 3:13PM--I think I close to getting the hang of editing vids on my phone...what I SHOULD do is practice the songs...shortly I will attempt to do that, and time the set as well...still have lingering doubts as to whether or not I should actually be pursuing this course of action--the solo acoustic act, that is...

8:18PM-now I have visual proof that I’m as bad as Rockville Mike...VERY depressing...I wonder if a Xanax would help...I will try the set at Crossroads tomorrow evening, after taking a Xanax-but not gonna do the video thing...

9:44PM-I didn’t have any fun tonight...I mentioned that on Flakebook...nobody has offered me any encouragement, yet...

TUESDAY 10/30/18 11:11AM--since yesterday evening Barry has weighed in, in a fairly positive way...Ray also, in a somewhat vague way, offered some positive advice...so I still plan on going to Crossroads tonight...I've already done a teeny bit of practising and I expect to do a teeny bit more later today...what I think I SHOULD do is make up a 15 or 20 minute set and run through it as many times as I can until Dianne gets home...
11:35AM--I actually watched a little of the video I shot last night...parts of it were OK--not great, but ok...I possibly made myself nervous about playing at Gumbo Ya Ya...I will talk myself into being relaxed at Crossroads...and take a Xanax before I leave the house...
3:12 PM-did a little bit of practising...learned the "right" way to play Yesterday--I was putting more in it than was necessary, so I took out the excess stuff...I actually feel rather confident about tonight's set...I think RUBY TUESDAY is gonna go really well, YESTERDAY fairly well, IS SHE...will likely be OK, and WELL RESPECTED will be OK...that's four...I guess I won't get in anymore practice, but I think I'll be OK...
6:41PM-I took a Xanax; let’s see what happens...Alan just walked in...Angela may not be far behind...UPDATE-probably no Angela after all...
7:40PM-maybe I WILL keep going with the (sorta) solo thing...Alan’s guitar and vocal parts were a teeny bit distracting, but I didn’t care-thank you Xanax...and yes I DO think the little bit of practice might have made a difference...
9:49PM--like I said, there were boo-boos, but none of the songs completely collapsed...I'm now feeling optimistic...
WEDNESDAY-so here I am at Crossroads, hoping to play some blues...Gooch isn’t here yet; hardly anyone else is either...at the most I can do four blues songs-and they're all songs that have been overplayed for a long time...
UPDATE-a couple more Musicians are now here...and I’m more nervous than I was before...and, I just found out, I get. to play behind Sally-oh boy...but I’m gonna have Jeff on the other side of the stage...
11:37PM--I had a LOT of fun at the Jazz/Blues Jam...it was even fun accompanying Sally...
8:35PM-hangin’ out at the OTWC...suddenly flirting with songwriting...let’s see how long the flirtation lasts...speaking for myself, musically at least, all I’m doing is imitating other musicians...maybe that will work with songwriting...maybe...
9:25PM-let’s see if I still have these urges when I wake up tomorrow...Rob says “just do it” so I just might give it a shot...and yet part of me says “who are you kidding?” Shouldn’t I be satisfied with what I CAN do?