why should I?

     FRIDAY 9/20/19 8:10PM--I was talking to a "friend" about the album he made...I expressed some interest in hearing it--until I saw all the other "friends" of mine who appear on it...and yet another so-called friend was telling me about the album he's planning on making...maybe I missed it, but I didn't hear an invitation to play on it...he has emotional/mental issues--that's not his fault...
          Maybe I'm not nearly as talented as I think I am, by which I mean fairly talented...I've never said nor will I ever say I'm a Musical genius, and I've never said my abilities were exceptional...but I've heard from quite a few  Musician "friends" over the years that I was really good...now I suspect they are just trying to feed me bullshit, I dunno why Humans would do that to each other...although I may have been guilty of that myself--but why would I deliberately hurt someone's feelings?
                 I totally understand the idea that "the audience decides" what's "good" and what's not...I wanna agree with that, but I can't...when *I* think I stink, that's the opinion that matters the most to me...I won't argue with someone who seems to be knocked out by what I do, but I'll take it with a grain of salt...why do people treat me like a someone who's not right in the head?? maybe it's my looks...allegedly "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"...I'm not sure I believe THAT BS either...
      In the past two days I've met two very different women who seemed to enjoy either my Musical ability (Elizabeth) or my company (Liliana) but I have no idea whatsoever when I'll see either of then again, if at all...
SATURDAY 9/21/19 3:35PM--why should I go to any of my Musician "friends' " gigs? *I* can't think of a reason...none of them has EVER come to a gig by any of the bands I'm in, unless you count the 4th Thursday Band gigs, but that's an open mic, not exactly a gig...they come to those so THEY can perform...
           4:21PM--now there are TWO bands I wanna see playing tonight...one is about a mile up the road, the other is at Rio...the band at Rio starts at about six o'clock, the one at Quincy's starts at 9:30...Parking at Rio might be problematic...I won't know until I get there...