Really? are you serious?

                SUNDAY 6/30/19 4:15PM--as of now, as far as *I* know, the 4thThursday Band has its' first official gig!!! The gig is on November the 23rd, at (naturally) the OTWC...a hell of a lot can happen between now and then, but I hope it doesn't...
                8:15PM--As far as I can tell, Stoney is IN...he apparently he had a Crimestoppers gig, but found somebody to take his place...it shouldn't have been Barnaby...
               I think I'd better start seriously prepping for my keyboard audition with the ACME Band co., even though I'm not sure when it will be--I think there's a gig at Lahinch in August (?) but that seems so far away...
       MONDAY 7/1/19 9:06AM--I went thru Steve's Keyboard List, a list I myself compiled...I don't think I'll have any major problems, not if I practice regularly...
     TUESDAY 7/2/19 4:45 PM--I almost forgot--I might have to buy something to play the keyboard thru, an amp or something--a powered speaker will allegedly do the trick...but first I wanna finish paying for the wireless unit...
           6:09 PM--just got a condescending, inflammatory e-mail from Stoney, cataloging all the mistakes I made last Thursday...I wish now that I had kept track of all HIS mistakes...they may have been "smaller" and fewer...but they were there...so I guess there's a double standard...I really feel like quitting, but I need the money...I'm NOT HAPPY...Butch may not have made ANY mistakes, but, frankly, he's a terrible guitar player...
       6:51PM--trying to keep my blood pressure down, it ain't easy...I notice Stoney didn't send that e-mail to anyone else...he may have been afraid someone would defend me, if only a little...I would quit right now if I didn't need the money...which, as I've said many times before, makes me a prostitute...
       7:29PM--and I'm wondering if I'm wasting my time working on my keyboard skills...if nothing else, it satisfies ME...

I found what I was looking for

       SATURDAY 6/29/19 11:45AM--I'm seriously thinking about going out to the OTWC to see a Band tonight...I guess I'm still hoping to find a band as bad as the Combustibles or the ACME Band...I don't think going out and seeing a band will make me feel less lonely; it's just something to do...
      If nothing else, I'll have Dessert there...Dunno if I'll see anyone I know in the audience, but that's fine by me... I shouldn't judge any band by what I see/hear on the Internet...so I won't...but judging from what I HAVE heard, I don't think I'll be knocked out...but they still might be better than two of the bands I'm currently in...
            There's still talk of the 4th Thursday Band getting a gig at the OTWC...Stoney's schedule seems to be the main thing that's preventing us from scheduling any...Brian is pretty busy too...I do wish Butch was a better guitar player...oh well...
              MIDNIGHT--the band I went out to see/hear had two substitutes for regular members...one of those subs was a guy I'm in the ACME Band with--Geoff, the other guitar player...their drummer (NOT a substitute) is Mike, the drummer in the ACME Band...the lead guitar players wife (?) thought the band sounded good--*I* did not...So I found a band that is as bad as the Combustibles (or the ACME band) after all...mission accomplished...
       Harmonies were non-existant...Geoff apparently does his Garcia impression no matter who he's playing with...as for the female singer, I would say that I've only heard one that was worse...I AM glad no one asked me what I thought of the band...

where did THAT voice come from?

                  WEDNESDAY 11:08PM--rehearsal went well enough...I haven't been singing much in the car or anywhere else for that matter...seems like the rest did my voice good...I felt like I was singing notes (from the diaphragm?) that I didn't think I could hit w/o using my falsetto...as for CENTERFIELD in E, I think I'll be OK...my playing wasn't bad either...if only I could act like a bit of a big deal, maybe some people would think I actually was...
        THURSDAY 6/27/19 6:50AM--I made a keyboard practice CD...it's songs that don't have many if any keyboards on 'em...dunno when I'm gonna get to try it out...after my Doctor's appointment and Lunch, I should take a nap...but the load-in is at 3PM...and I have some studying to do...
8:22AM--I got cocky...I shouldn't have, it will be quite awhile before I'm ready to audition for the ABC Band...
          SOME TIME AROUND 10PM--I’m getting such a bizarre tone out of my gear, I don’t know why..it sounded fine at the rehearsal last night, but tonight? not so much... and, on top of that, I forgot to put in my earplugs ! better late than never, that’s what I always say… And somebody is using my gear-he didn’t ask ME for permission… what I should’ve done is a kind of sound check before I left the house… I should’ve taken the amp out of the trunk, brought it into the living room or kitchen and done a Soundcheck-maybe I’ve learned a lesson tonight... let’s hope so… 
FRIDAY 6/28/19 2:03 AM--my ears aren't ringing as much as they could...I think what I did best tonight was harmony singing...even with Jeff Jones...the guitar playing wasn't too bad...I dropped my guard and mentioned to Butch that only on the 4th Thursday of the Month do I feel like a member of the MontCo Musical community...he disagreed with my assessment, but *I* stand by it...in any case, I've got $60 in my pocket that I didn't have before...
          7:31AM--nobody's fault but mine, but my ears ARE ringing enough...I think I've got most of the day to put the Musical equipment away...definitely no intent to go out tonight, and tomorrow night is the night before going to Sunday brunch with the ex-in-laws...
9:15 there is a brief video of a couple of songs from the 4th Thursday open mic last night...I didn't know at the time, but my "Neil Young" gizmo setting worked really well...and I wasn't as loud as I thought I might be...

not even sure if THAT matters anymore...

           WEDNESDAY 6/26/19 8:15AM--as far as I know there's still a band practice tonight...I hope this sadness is temporary, but today I don't even care about being a Musician...I don't think anyone else cares either...I'm gonna start packing my Musical gear after the nap I'm gonna NEED by Lunchtime...and I DO hope to test the gear, before Dianne gets back home, THEN I'll pack the stuff......
              Getting up before 6AM didn't agree with me, but I'm fairly focused right now...I printed the lyrics/chords to the one song I was not familiar with...playing it seems easy enough to me...I think I've got enough time to practice whatever I need to practice before I have to get ready to go to practice...just might grab a guitar and get started now...
10:47AM--and so I did, for a little while...a capo on the 3rd fret of a de-tuned Butterscotch is not the same as tuning it in the Standard way but I don't intend to take two guitars to practice...it might be easier to tune it to Standard and the de-tune it when it comes time to play CENTERFIELD in E...
    11:17AM--OR I can learn some other place to play it on the neck...that just might work if I keep working on it...I'm optimistic...I've got until about 3PM tomorrow when it's time to do the load-in...in the long run, it will be easier--especially if I leave OUT the first two notes...but I bet somebody will notice...a revelation! If I can almost play it on Butterscotch, it should be a cinch on eBay, right?
       If Stoney isn't too picky or anal, I'll be fine...and I think we're rehearsing with one of our guests--THAT'S a new thing...I don't yet have HIS song down...but I think I will by Thursday night...
4:07PM--I actually got done most or all of what I wanted to get done...the gizmo needed new batteries and I had some--money I already spent...I went over that new song "Goin' Back to Kansas City" and I think I've got it...I think I'm leaving here at about 6:45 or so...I DO have to double check a map to make sure I know where I'm going...

maybe I've finally gotten the hang of it

       MONDAY 6/24/19 9AM--I put new strings on Butterscotch, easily...I may have learned how from a youTube video...I admit I'm feeling cocky, I might put new strings on "eBay"tomorrow...what I can do is go to Pritchard  and get the strings then go to Giant to get some groceries--baloney and soda I guess...and I still have the feeling that I'm forgetting something...it's not the speeding ticket, but there might be something else...
      5:37PM--still can't get over how easy changing strings on Butterscotch was...and after only working on it since this day started, I've got a pretty good handle on CENTERFIELD in E...I tuned Butterscotch down so that the open low E is now a C#...the strings are really really loose; I have to have an extremely light touch when playing the guitar...I'm glad I'm only using it for one song...
6:32PM--I'm somewhat surprised to find out that the 4th Thursday Band is practicing on Wednesday...That means...well, I dunno for sure WHAT it means...should I bring both electric guitars? Not my first choice...I think I'll just bring Butterscotch and use a capo for rehearsal and bring both guitars to the gig...and of course I'll bring the amp and the gizmo...not the wireless though...and I probably won't bring the wireless to the 4th Thursday gig, because people borrow my amp for the open mic...which is not necessarily MY idea...
          TUESDAY 6/25/19 10AM--I was able to put new strings on "eBay" in about 30 minutes--I guess I'm finally getting good at it...I might run a test with the amp and gizmo tomorrow...I don't think Dianne will be around...that's the good news...the bad news? My ears are still ringing rather loudly, enough that I feel "oogy"...it seems kinda warm in here, I'm not enjoying that...

it FEELS like it's over...

            SUNDAY 6/23/19 1:30PM--Maybe I will later or tomorrow, but right now I don't feel like a Musician...I feel like a former Musician, or retired Musician...maybe even a wanna be Musician...and I can't shake the feeling that, behind my back, people call me "Howard II"...which is interesting, because some of  my so-called "friends" are every bit as "quirky" as I think Howard is...
               Not really looking forward to changing the strings on Butterscotch...it has become a big deal in my head...I'm afraid that the job won't be at all easy...I watched a video on youTube which I'm hoping will make the process go at least a little smoother...

a show of appreciation would be nice...

               THURSDAY 6/20/19 8:04AM--I feel like I've moved heaven AND earth to please a "friend" of mine...I had to transpose a song from G down to E...what a pain in the ass... so I tuned my guitar down (I think) a whole step plus another half step...
                The good news is that the gig with Stoney is a week away--the infamous "4TH THURSDAY" open mic...now that gig is for the money...it used to be fun, but it's not so much anymore...there's also at least one brand new (to me) song to learn... 
    11:44 AM--hoping to start looking forward to tonight because I don't yet...I should let Lou build the set list...that's how it usually works anyway...
  4:18PM--now I'm looking forward to the open mic...I wanna come home at least moderately happy...
  4:55PM--my original Dinner plans will be carried out tomorrow--maybe...in about 30 minutes, I hope to have hot dogs...then it's off to think open mic...
7:50PM-Lou and I were an 8.5 IMO...we went up FIRST, not sure I like that...
8:20PM-Ultimately I don’t feel any better...I wish I could be offstage the guy I think I am onstage...I wanna go home, but I don’t know how to be inconspicuous...so I’ll probably stay...maybe somebody will need harmonies...It’s true, when ya start to feel that someone you kinda like doesn’t like you, your affection dwindles...I'm talking about "John C."
        It’s a Murphy’s Law kind of thing… If I stay I will be invisible, if I go home, somebody may wish I’d stayed to sing harmonies or play lead guitar or something...
10PM--I've been home for about 15 minutes, probably stay up until Midnight...I doubt if I'm gonna go out tomorrow evening...Bluebird Sky is at Hershey's and I don't like Hershey's...IF I go out at all, that's where I'm gonna go...There's nowhere for me to go on Saturday night, unless I'm forgetting something...
                FRIDAY 6/21/19 7:30AM--I guess I should start working on the 4th Thursday song(s)...I think I already know the CCR songs, except for CENTERFIELD in E (groan) for Stoney...and one other one that George is doing...I'm not worried yet...
       4:13PM--I feel like this could only happen to me--but that's probably not true...the band that I'd rather see is playing tonight at the place I don't like...and a Band that I think is just OK is playing tomorrow night at the place I like...decisions, decisions...I guess I could force myself (a little) to go out tonight to Hershey's...but I likely won't...besides which, Angela might go to the OTWC tomorrow night...yeah, I know, it's pathetic...
9:24PM--I can't say with 100% certainty that I'm going out Saturday night, but right this minute I want to...At least twice I've put a video of SLR on Flakebook...Frankly, I'm hoping some of the other female singers give it a listen...I never ever heard from Liz Springer, the singer I gave SLR's CD to...my guess is that she was intimidated by Sherri Lynn's talent...Liz isn't the worst female singer I know, but she's not the best either IMO...I do kinda wish some other band was playing at The OTWC tomorrow night...Of course, I could stay home...What difference does it make if Angela is there or not? None whatsoever...Built 4 Comfort is one of the few Bands I don't necessarily wanna be a member of...On the other hand, I can almost see myself in Bluebird Sky...except of course that Charlie (the leader) doesn't like me...

it might be just what the doctor ordered

         MONDAY 6/17 5:11--Lou and I are planning to go to the Grape Escape on Thursday...maybe that will make me feel at least a little better...as for Wednesday, who knows? I don't yet know who's hosting at Hershey's and I don't like the place anyway...I haven't started on my 4th Thursday homework; I DO want to get on with that...
TUESDAY 6/18/19 10:50AM--I'm thinking about maybe possibly going to Hershey's tonight; Mike Taylor is hosting...but I can't warm up (vocally or instrumentally) because Dianne is upstairs working...or something...but if she goes out for any reason, I MIGHT try to sing/play something...not to mention the LOUD ringing in my ears...IF I go, for any reason, I'll wear the earplugs--if I don't forget them...CORRECTION--the open mic is tomorrow night...
        Just put 'em in my pocket, I don't think I'll forget them...along with all the other specialists I should be seeing, I have to add "audiologist"...
    6:23PM--trying to schedule a rehearsal for the 4th Thursday Band is not at all easy...I think practice is NEXT Wednesday...and because of my fluctuating future, Lou and I are having some trouble connecting...
WEDNESDAY 6/19/19 8:08AM--I can't work on the CDs with the printer needing ink...When I go out to get the compression socks, maybe I can go somewhere to get a container for the car--someplace close by, like that new store in the Kentlands...
         Or just forget the whole thing, and use the glove box...it should be able to hold up to a half a dozen CDs in their cases safely, but probably no more than that...
       8:46AM--it occurred to me that I have a gig next week, maybe I can use the wireless gear then...BUT--anyone who wants to use my amp WON'T be using my wireless rig, if I have any say in the matter...
          Noon--I accidentally discovered three LIVE recordings of me and Ray on my phone...after Lunch I'll deal with them...I think they are from a Killarney House gig in March of 2019....

not even the farm club

       THURSDAY 6/13/19 10:30PM--as an acoustic solo artist, I'm still in Little League...I may have been on the farm team for a few weeks, more or less, but I never ever made it to the Major League...I went to Pete Loony's open mic at the Grape Escape this evening...I resisted his invitations to perform, a few times in fact...but inevitably I got up and did two songs--a spontaneous re-arrangement of THANK YOU GIRL and of course LMYR...considering I didn't want to play in the first place, and I used a capo for ONE AFTER 909 (with Pete) I did ok...but no better than that...needless to say, I didn't feel like going to the OTWC...I went to Giant instead and got soda and Fudgesicles...one less thing to do tomorrow...
        FRIDAY 6/14/19 11:03PM--for the past two or three days, I've been playing with CDs...I don't think I need Sirius XM when I'm looking at  a stack of TWENTY CDs I intend to listen to in my car...Having second thoughts about keeping ALL of them in the car at once though ...considering that I rarely leave my neighborhood and it's surrounding suburbs, 20 CDs could last the rest of my Life...I think there's room enough in the glove box for three or even four CDs...I have no Musical plans whatever for this weekend, that's rather unusual...but I'm not complaining; I don't feel like part of the MontCo social circle anyway...
SATURDAY 6/15/19 7PM--I still don't feel like going out tonight...besides the tinnitus, there's the feeling I have when I DO go out--it's like I'm invisible--why would I subject myself to that? Over and over...So I'm gonna try to keep a low profile...
SUNDAY 6/16/19 6:20PM--gonna start making my Dinner now...it's true--a watched pot never boils...not only do I have "homework" to do, but I've been ignoring my keyboard...that's not good...hopefully I'll feel like doing that tomorrow...
7:22PM--From start to finish Dinner took 40 minutes...I've never timed the process before...I'm expecting Dianne to be back home by 8PM...After she takes the TV back, maybe I'll do a CD or two--there must be close to a dozen of them w/o cases...on the other hand, I'm supposed to winding down...maybe I'll only do one--a bit of a compromise...might even design a cover for it, using Word, although I could try Google Docs...nervous about that, but I might try it anyway...I'm feeling brave...
8:03PM--so I did it, using Google Docs...a list for the inside and a cover for the front...now I'm gonna start the "decompression" process, whatever it may be...

it's not my imagination

              SUNDAY  6/9/19 8:45PM--so Sue Johnstone and Arlene Jay took lotsa photos Sat. night at Hershey's...I'm in quite a few of them...Gail took a fair amount of videos--none of me...like always, by the time *I* take the stage, half the audience has gone home...frankly, that has gotten old...the next time I go see the Crimestoppers in my neighborhood, maybe it'll be to look for Ann...which is of course, pointless...even if she fell in love with me, I can't act on MY feelings--whatever they are...
        MONDAY 6/10/19 8:35AM--Barry has called for a rehearsal on July 7...I don't think it will be a problem for ME, I'll be at Mike and Linda's...as for today, I'm gonna try to gather up all the "homemade" CDs I can find and box 'em up...
                TUESDAY 6/11/19 9:08PM--I thought about going out to see a band tomorrow night, but I've changed my mind...For whatever reason, Stoney wants to sing CENTERFIELD in the key of E instead of G...anything to be difficult, I suppose...luckily I CAN play the hook in the key of E, but not without lots of practice...I've got two weeks and then some...I should have it down by then...I haven't been working on my keyboard skills lately, that's not good...
THURSDAY 6/13/19 7:30AM--in the process of trying to clean up the basement, I've found LOTSA CDs...and lotsa empty cases too...so I spent a fair amount of my time yesterday organizing all that stuff...when I needed to, I printed out the CD insert lists...I figure I've got no reason to get Sirius/XM radio...I have a dozen or more CDs full of variety...I might even have a way to store them in the car...As for tonight, I still dunno where I'm going, assuming that I'm going out at all...Dianne says she is...The open mic at the OTWC tonight is acoustic, as is the o.m. at the Grape  Escape...and I dunno if I just wanna watch or actively participate...there's time to decide...I think I prefer Pete over Charlie...
2:58PM--and yet I'm leaning toward The OTWC...
6:19PM-- well, I was then, not so much now...probably going to the Grape Escape...
   

I've said it many times before

           FRIDAY 6/7/19 8:33AM--I have no idea what, if anything, I'm doing this weekend musically...band practice--with anybody? not that I know of...the 'stoppers are playing at Hershey's tomorrow night, but I don't like Hershey's and I feel like an ugly groupie chasing them around MontCo...I used to think of it as an audition as a singer, but the "auditions" have not borne fruit for me...by which I mean that none of the bands I'm in (or think I'm in) hired me because they saw me singing with the 'stoppers...the only reason I think I would go is if Angela was gonna be there...and I have no evidence that she is...she's not even listed as "interested"...Rona (who apparently has to be everywhere)  says "a very special guest" will be singing "a hot number" with them Sat. night--I am curious to know who that singer is...probably Rona herself...
                  I'm still pretty sure people lump me and Howard together...I almost don't blame them...I may have expressed my sadness about that to someone...I wonder if he can keep a secret...at the Wednesday open mic at Hershey's, I kinda felt myself becoming attracted to a certain someone...that's so pointless, words fail me...
7:12PM--spent a rather large part of the day fiddling around with the ASG Archives, but I could use a break...I kinda sorta wanna go see the Crimestoppers tomorrow night...and like always, it feels rather pathetic to me...of course I wonder if anyone else thinks I am...
SATURDAY 6/8/19 9:17AM--nothing going on yet...still planning to go out tonight...before we go to the movies, I wanna shower and shave and go to CVS to get a pill box small enough to hold a pair of earplugs...I dunno how much time I'll have between dinner (after the movie) and going to Hershey's...I don't think it will be much...I'm pretty sure that IF the 'stoppers invite me to sing with them, I'll say "sure"...The way I see it, I have two things working against me...my looks, and my inability to act confident, whether I actually I  feel that way or not...
 SUNDAY 6/9/19 1:12AM--they did invite to sing...though it was more like "do you wanna?"...I dunno for sure, but it sounded good from where I was...
  5:47PM--I still feel like that dorky, ugly, weird guy that people tend to stay away from...and I'm having trouble not thinking about Ann--and Shelly Williams...when did she drop the second "E" from her name?

in the wink of an eye

           TUESDAY 6/4/19 8PM--in addition to assisting a guy I know on harmony vocals, LOU& SCOTT will be performing at the Hershey's open mic tomorrow evening...NOW I'm excited....and I can't sleep if I'm excited, so I have GOT to chill...it ain't easy...
WEDNESDAY 6/5/19 12:08PM--it's been a fairly crummy day so far...but even with the coming rain, things will get better...I hope...Now I'm starting to study the Jackson Browne song I'm helping a guy perform... and because I can, I should probably go to Pete Loony’s open mic Thursday night at the Grape Escape... might even do one or two by myself ...
11PM--just got home from Hershey's...Lou and I did three songs, one of which was LMYR...I'd give us an 8.5 on a scale of 10...after our set, I discovered that I wasn't carrying my wallet...turns out it was in the shorts I had been wearing all day long...(WHEW)...I'm still considering going to Pete's open mic tomorrow evening...even though Angela is possibly gonna be at the OTWC...like that is EVER gonna lead to something...the mood I'm in right now, I feel like playing an original song, maybe two...
THURSDAY 6/6/19 6:46AM--still considering going to Pete's this evening...I think it would be easier on my ears, it's almost close enough to walk to--not that I'm gonna do THAT, there won't be many if any people there I know and because of that, I could get as much as four songs...I intend to do one original song, however many songs I get...I'll likely use old style cheat sheets for all of them...it's possible that buying the tablet was a mistake--SURPRISE! oh well...
  10:35AM- so… I’m not going to go, and I’m sticking to THAT decision... it’s just way way way too risky… There will be other Thursdays, I hope...
5:25PM--just killing time until go get Dianne...she gave me half dozen "deluxe" CD cases, so I cooked up CDs to go in them--my Musical History...not 100% of it, but a LOT of it...from Mesa (1975) thru the 4th Thursday Open Mic a month or two ago...
7:40PM--looking at the box all the wireless stuff came in, wondering when I'm gonna get a chance to use the stuff...I don't think using it at an open mic is a good idea, even the 4TH Thursday...If I ever have a gig with somebody, THEN I'll use it...

empty handed

             
          SATURDAY 6/1/19 11:25AM--I'm likely going to the OTWC tonight...it's ok with Dianne, not that that matters...long story--she may suddenly be taking a trip by Van to Peabody, MA. I kinda wanna be here if she needs me, but she says it's OK to go out...I don't want my bitterness over being ignored/rejected by some members of the MontCo community to go on any longer...
              SUNDAY 6/2/19 1:02AM--Danger Bird played everything way too fast IMO...but most of the harmonies were really good...I wore earplugs that I bought from a friend...I like 'em, so I'll go to CVS and get 'em later today...
 5:04PM--went and saw ROCKET MAN...I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either...
7:35PM--thinking about going to the last GYY open mic this coming Monday  which is tomorrow, it IS supposed to happen, but who knows? at this point, I can't decide what to play...
MONDAY 6/3/19 11:40AM--suddenly, I wanna go to GYY tonight...the (allegedly) last open mic there...I think there will be plenty of performers there; I don't think we'll get more than two songs each...I'll likely play LMYR and The Great Beyond by REM, which stands for Maybe..
12:30PM--or I can just go and watch...which is starting to feel more and more like what I will do...
3:41PM--ORRR, I can stay home, which, if nothing else, might be better for my ears...that seems to be the most likely choice...
5:40PM--it belatedly occurred to me that a G chord (G,B,D) is a G chord whether you play keyboards or a guitar...I think this means I could buy/download any and every song I want to learn and ignore the guitar chord diagrams...it looks like most sheet Music is for "piano/guitar/vocal"...the piano music is the traditional 𝄞
with quarter notes, rests, key signatures, etc.The guitar music is the chord diagrams with the chord names at the top...
6:21PM--Angela is going to the IPO open mic this evening, but *I*  am not...