am I delusional?

      MONDAY 5/6/19 --if it was up to me, tonight's practice would be a band meeting...but it's not up to me...I probably shouldn't, but I keep coming back to wondering why I'm not more successful as a Musician...Am I that unattractive, physically or otherwise? do I have the image of being too "eccentric"? I don't know ANYBODY  who is "normal", by my layman's definition...they SEEM normal, but I bet if you live with them long enough, their personality quirks will reveal themselves in due time, if they weren't already visible/obvious...it would not be nice to cite examples, because those examples would just be my opinion--I'm not a psychiatrist...but it IS frustrating to think I might possibly be lumped in with them...maybe it's my imagination, maybe not...
                        Am I not a good enough guitarist? or lead singer? or backup singer? Is there a definitive definition of "good" when it comes to Music? *I* don't think so...I don't know for sure but I don't think Eric Clapton can do what Eddie Van Halen does...does that make Clapton a "bad" guitarist? There are guitarists who can do what Van Halen does...does that make those of us who can't "bad" guitarists? Exceptional ability, in my opinion, is something you're born with--or not...*I* think you could have all the determination and patience in the World and still not reach Van Halen's level...
                           But among the many Musicians in my neighborhood, I absolutely will not believe that I'm the "worst" one--however you define that...It's frustrating to look at Flakebook and feel left out...
6:45PM- practice with the ACME band starts shortly...it’s going to be an interesting evening I think…
10:16PM--practice went the way Dave said it would...we worked on the beginnings and endings of the songs...I may be the only band member who thinks we need (LOTSA) work...Cruel though it may sound, I would trade Geoff for a keyboard player...that Grateful noodling is really starting to get to me...and Phil encourages it...and Geoff apparently has no interest in even trying to get closer to the record...it sounds to ME like a terrible band...but ultimately the audience decides whether a band is good or not...Like I've said before, I'm gonna try to keep my head down and take the money...