is that jealousy on my part?

           Is it wrong for me to want to be better known as a Musician? or...am I fooling myself thinking that I'm pretty damn good and should be in a really good band, gigging more often? Nobody seems to want me as a guitarist, maybe subconsciously that's why I've started thinking about playing Bass...
               There is one Band specifically I feel left out of--Danger Bird, a Neil Young tribute band led by the bass player for the Crimestoppers...Sometimes (like now) I wonder why I wasn't asked...Am I an asshole? I don't think so, at least not all that often...certainly no more than the average person...
               I think it's because I'm unattractive...and one reason for THAT, in my opinion, is my posture...60+ years of slouching has caught up with me...
          A FEW MINUTES LATER--I was deliberately on FB, but I completely totally by accident stumbled on a ghost from my past...The last time we were in the same room, about four years ago--after having been separated for about thirty years, was NOT a heartwarming experience...and that was all MY fault...Shelley haunts me almost as much as DLH does--and that's a hell of a lot...
            I really wanna learn how to BE HERE NOW,  but I enjoy trips down Memory Lane--most of the time...