let the healing begin, at least after I remove this knife

 

    TUESDAY 6/29/21 11:27PM--just got back from the Main Stage Grille...and dropping SueEl off at her place...I got lost leaving her apartment complex, but eventually I got to where I wanted to be--home...I was more annoyed than angry...
         At the open mic, I used Butterscotch thru one of the "communal" amps and later thru Max's amp...in both cases I used my "fuzz" and Chorus...I was more satisfied with my playing the second time I got onstage...SueEl sang a couple of songs...I didn't sing any, and I'm ok with that...
        WEDNESDAY 6/30/21 Considering the prediction of excessive heat and the humidity, I might NOT be going to Hershey's on Thursday...Of course a lot can happen weather-wise between now and Six o'clock Thursday...I'd LIKE to go...but it's too soon to know...SueEl says she's probably not gonna go...
4:49PM--went to Litz, bought a six-string neck, with tuners already installed, for $25 bucks...and I bought a set of strings as well...I guess I'll use a part of the NEXT SSA check to professionally finish what I started... I've waited all this time, what's one more month, right?
THURSDAY 7/1/21 Just got in from the Hershey's jam...as I predicted, the bad weather, or the threat thereof, kept Musicians away...I arrived later than I wanted to, but still managed to lay claim to a corner of the stage...to be frank, maybe I was a bit of a prima donna, but I don't yet care...Officially, I did one lead vocal--a verse of THE WEIGHT--and lotsa harmonies...
FRIDAY 7/2/21 6:52AM--Ray responded (via FB Messenger) to the statements I made last Saturday...I THOUGHT that he had accepeted my apologies and that we were still friends--it looks like I was wrong on BOTH counts...That's OK by me...of course, I can't PROVE that, you'll just have to believe me...
7:27AM--Ray might not be done lecturing ME, but I'm done communicating with HIM...And I think "that ends our time together in this Lifetime" means the relationship is over...I imagine my friendships with Tish and John Vengrousky may be over as well...so be it...
8:36AM--it's starting to sink in that my relationship with Ray (HOWEVER you wanna charcterize it) may be over...I can still live w/o him; I can even play Music without him...

The Universe can change its' Mind? oookay...

 

              SATURDAY 6/26/21 12:45PM--because Dianne's plans have changed, I can take HER car to Pirates Cove...thank you Universe...IF I was worried about MY car getting me there and back, I never voiced that thought outloud...so now, I don't think I have to worry about THAT...I DO hope the Universe keeps traffic at a reasonable level...
 2:39PM--I spoke too soon, I guess...Dianne needs her car to go hang out with her sister and her sister's Husband...as I shaved and showered already, I can leave at 3 instead of 3:30...which means I can drive more cautiously...and who knows, there might not be as much traffic...
SUNDAY 12:29AM--just got home from possibly the WORST gig I've ever done in the 52 I've been playing in bands...in fact tonight has been one of the top five worst nights of my Life, as far as my memory goes, that is...my glasses getting bent outta shape is the least bad thing that happened tonight...and still pretty bad...I AM grateful that my car made it to Pirates Cove and back...I suppose I should thank the Universe for THAT...
       I got into a discussion with a certain Musician friend, who insisted I be honest... but as I predicted, I made him very angry...I left the gig thinking that our relationship has been more than just a little damaged, in spite of his apparent exceptance of my apolpgies...
1:46PM--it's just about nap time...I made a HUGE mistake last night--I spilled a lotta of my guts on Flakebook and now I really REALLY wish I hadn't...
6:19PM--dinnertime, a time of peace and quiet, hopefully...
11:48PM--a few minutes from hittin' the sack...
MONDAY 6/28/21 10:26PM--in what is obviously an attempt to put the Pirates Cove sit-in as far behind me as possible, I'm hoping to go to the Main Stage Grille open mic tomorrow...I think SueEl is going with me...
TUESDAY 6/29/21 7:47AM--still planning to go out tonight... I feel like I HAVE to, if only to try to forget that last Saturday didn't happen...
4:33PM--leaving to pick up SueEl in about an hour or so...excited/nervous, etc.I'm taking Butterscotch, and two stomp boxes...wasn't gonna, but I'll probably bring a pair of cables...

friends again?

 

          THURSDAY 6/24/21 11:10PM--went to Hershey's, took SueEl with me...got there more or less on time...played a bunch, then I took a break...kinda proud of myself in a way...I don't think I need to be on the stage or in the spotlight all the time...apparently some people do...Jeff isn't finished with my Bass, but that's OK...SueEl got up and sang a bunch...I dunno if she could hear herself, but *I* could barely hear her...
         I think I've made peace with both Barnaby and Brian...that feels good...they too are apparently alienated from the Johnstones...
        After a couple hours, the guitarist who seemed to crave center stage more than the other Musicians (definitely the loudest of the five or six guitarists) left at some point, complaining that HE COULDN'T HEAR HIMSELF...that's ironic...
     A friend of SueEl's showed up and took her home...the Jam ran a bit over the scheduled end and there was a lot of socialising afterwards...
        Pretty sure I'm gonna have to buy some 9 volt batteries for my stomp boxes before I go sit in with Ray...I THINK the Boss Digital Reverb drains its' battery faster than my other stomp boxes...EDIT--or I can use the Gizmo...I think THAT'S what I'll do--Johnny V uses a big pedalboard, so...
  FRIDAY 6/25/21 Midnight-- I've got a very nearly full tank of gas...that's good news, thank you Universe...
12:40AM--I'm actually considering trying to be at Pirates Cove by Ray's start time--ONE O'CLOCK!!! But even while I typed that, I started reconsidering the idea...let's see what Dianne thinks about that...
11:20AM--it was way more difficult to put new strings on Butterscotch than usual, but it's done...
1:04PM-- I'm actually getting excitied about going to PC tomorrow...
5:12PM--Butterscotch seems to be all tuned up and ready to go...I think the strings are just about as stretched out as they're gonna be...
8:30PM-I’ve got the ME 70, two guitar cables, a mic cable, two different microphones, the power cord for the ME 70, a power strip and plenty of Velcro strips in the same bag…and a spare set of guitar strings in the guitar case itself…I don’t think I could be better equipped…
10:25PM--I wish I could find my tripod because I'd either record some audio or some video at the Ray Weaver gig tomorrow...but because I looked for it, I couldn't find it...typical...

hopefully it was a bad dream...

 

         WEDNESDAY 6/23/2111:15PM--just got home from Killarney House...Dianne did not kick up a fuss with regard to how long it takes me to pack up my stuff...I went as fast as I could under the circumstances...The show started late, not because of me...although I got there about 30 minutes after I wanted to...
           I might change my Mind, but I doubt it--it was the worst sit-in with Ray I've done since I started sitting in with him...I couldn't hear my guitar as much as I wanted to...same with the vocals...
           The big surprise is that Dianne wants me to go to Pirates Cove on Saturday...I think she thinks I should go; it's Ray's last show on this "tour"...I wasn't longing to go all that much, but after tonight's struggle, I do wanna be able to have a good gig to end the Tour...
           Dianne thinks Ray wanted me to sing LMYR, so I would feel more like a member of the band...there were a buncha other guest players/singers...I was surprised and frankly a bit bummed out that Johnny V was there...it's a wonder I can hear anything now--one of the speakers was right next to my head...toward the end of the night, I eventually got a chair, which put my head kinda under (but still next to) the speaker, which was a miniscule improvement...
THURSDAY 12:51AM--I can't remember the last time my ears were ringing THIS much...but I'm still planning to go to Hershey's this afternoon...and I'm planning on taking my Blues Jr. and either three stomp boxes or the gizmo...and Sue Ellen Hegstrom...
8:11AM--and I just might take the amp to Pirates Cove on Saturday...it's likely, in fact...
11:43AM--gonna leave the Gizmo at home for the time being...excited about going to Hershey's tonight, whether Sue Ellen goes or not...the open mic at the Main Stage Grille is (for now) permamnent...I wasn't satisfied with either of my appearances there, so maybe I'll try again...
12:28PM--I found a power strip that works, it's going with me to Hershey's tonight...I'm gonna try to take a nap...I'm not optimistic about actually getting one, but who knows? I think it will take way less time to load the car than it will to take a shower or make and eat Dinner...I think the Dinner meal will be the same as the Lunch meal...If SuEl gets in the car at 4:30, we could be at Hershey's in less than 15 minutes...

suddenly I have a problem

 

                TUESDAY 6/22/21 9:03PM--I was hoping to go see Ray at his "going away party" at Pirates Cove on Saturday...at this point in time, Dianne (and I?) have a "date" with her parents...and we can't have that date on Sunday, because Dianne has other plans...I guess I won't be going to PC to see him off...I'll tell him tomorrow, maybe...considering the mood she's currently in, I'm super afraid to ask about switching the "date" until Sunday...She's spent five hours (so far) fighting with Verizon about our TV service...Pirates Cove seems so far away, I don't like going there anyhow...allegedly it's only EIGHT miles further...it sure doesn't feel like it...
          Wow, Dianne is really angry...there's no way in Hell I'm gonna ask her to change the date...
10:45PM--Dianne went to bed...I hope I don't forget to NOT ask about the weekend...
WEDNESDAY 6/23/21 12:18AM-- I guess The Universe doesn't want me to go sit in with Ray on Saturday...
I suppose I should be satisfied with one night--tonight...I honestly think Ray isn't gonna be too disappointed...
8:32AM--Dianne is even angrier than she was last night--her instructions? "Leave me alone"...I think I can do that...and, of course, I don't DARE ask about changing our weekend plans...
12:06PM--the plan is to eat an early dinner (three hot dogs) and leave the house at about 5PM, which will hopefully get me to KH by Six o'clock...
3:20PM--on the other hand, Dianne wants to go, I think because our friend Sue is supposedly gonna go...If Dianne drives it might take longer to get there...my stuff is packed...all I have to do is load it into the car...today's Dinner (hot dogs) is scheduled for Four o'clock, departure time will hopefully be at 5...
3:44PM--so I made myself a travel CD--apparently for nothing...probably not gonna take a shower, but I'll likely wash my hair...
3:54PM--I think I'm driving, that may be advantageous, but I'm not sure--there will always be traffic problems on the Beltway...

is that new guy still around?

 

      SUNDAY 6/20/21 10:48PM--I'm waiting for Jeff to let me know what, if anything, is going on with the bass repairs...I don't think I can go to the Main Stage Grill on Tuesday...money is suddenly very tight...it takes a certain amount of gas to get there and back but gas costs money...I'm looking forward to going to Hershey's on Thursday...to do what exactly, I dunno...I wouldn't mind just playing Bass and singing...
MONDAY 6/21/21 6PM-- Sue Ellen must really wanna go to the Main Stage Grille...she may be willing to pay for a ride to the open mic tomorrow...so I'll bite the bullet a little and we'll go to Woodstock...I think I'm just gonna bring my guitar, two stomp boxes and two cables--and hope for the best...
7:35PM--I think I'm taking Dianne's car, but she doesn't understand why I would charge Sue Ellen money for gas...wouldn't Dianne expect me to replace the gas I used if I went alone?
9PM--getting a teeny bit excited about the trip to Main Stage...but worried about the route I'm gonna use to get there...
11:49PM--Ray is back...maybe I'll gp to Killarney on Wednesday...
TUESDAY 6/22/21 12:53PM--I think Dianne is letting me take her car to the Main Stage tonight and (I think) to Killarney House tomorrow...still hoping to play Bass at Hershey's on Thursday--but I haven't heard from Jeff yet...
4:26PM--change of plans...Sue Ellen is under the weather and won't be going to the Main Stage--therefore neither will I...
I found the Behringer mics I bought YEARS ago...apparently I used one at some point, leaving two...one of them is going to Killarney tomorrow...
5:15PM--it turns out Ray has the mic cable I considered missing...it really has been a good day, thank you Universe..
7:07PM--I duct taped the cables that weren't already duct taped...and I WAS gonna downsize the amount of gear I'm would take to Killarney tomorrow....then I remembered I NEED the Gizmo if I'm not gonna use an amp--and I don't wanna use the amp...oh well...so be it...

who the hell was that guy?

     

            THURSDAY 6/17/21 10:21PM--I've been performing in public as a guitarist/singer since about 1969...tonight the guitarist struggled to be heard over the other half a dozen or so guitarists...but the frontman/singer exploded outta me and in public yet...Jeff Payne took the signal from the Katana and fed it thru the PA...I still couldn't quite hear my guitar...and my playing wasn't that good IMO (here we go again).
               I sat at a table with Bonnie and shared her mic...occasionally I sang thru it alone...eventually I went "onstage" and sang thru the main mic...
             I sang OB-LA-DI OB-LA DA by the Beatles...and Joe Cocker's arrangement of THE LETTER...Frankly, I absolutely amazed myself,  if nobody else...I've always wanted the guy who sings in the car (he is a bit of a vocal chameleon) to sing like that in front of people...finally he/I did...and I thoroughly enjoyed myself...I can't wait until next Thursday...but I might bring the Blues Jr. with me...I am more than deliriously happy...and yes, I know it won't last forever...
FRIDAY 6/18/21 7:47AM--I even played some Bass last night, which got the wheels turning...now I'm seriously thinking about buying a set of strings for my Bass...Jeff's Bass is a 5-string, and I made some boo-boos because of that...The cost of Bass strings doesn't seem to have increased all that much since the 70s, when they were about $20 bucks...They're roughly $30 dollars these days...maybe I shouldn't, but I wanna buy a set...
11:20AM--so I got a set of strings for the Bass...Litz Music was no hope at all in determining what guage of string I should buy, so I gambled...I'll likely wait until Monday to work on that...
12:45PM--so I started to put the new Bass strings on...I cut one a little too short and the new ones that ARE on there do nothing but buzz--no notes, just buzzing...I knew my happiness  wouldn't last long, but not quite 18 hours? Seriously? it doesn't seem at all fair...
1:12PM--maybe the Universe DOESN'T want me to play (my own) Bass...a friend of mine is gonna do some work on it, I just have to drop it off where he lives--in a room over Hershey's...maybe Dianne and I can have Dinner there tonight...*I* can't really afford it, but I bet she can...

fifty years...

 

   ...and I still dunno how to hook up my stuff...nerves has something to do with it...after 50 years maybe I shouldn't GET nervous...but I do...
    IF it was a mistake, I made the mistake of spilling my guts on Flakebook...LOTSA responses, all positive, encouraging...sometimes we ALL need that...I'm seriously considering going to Hershey's tomorrow afternoon for the jam session...I hope it really IS a jam session and not an open mic--there IS a difference IMO...
         I am in the market for a mini amp, preferably a battery powered one…the guy at Litz briefly showed me a Boss Katana, but *I* don’t recall him mentioning that it was battery powered…maybe he did, but I don’t think so…had I known, I might have bought it then and there...I checked online, it gets good reviews...should cost about $110...
THURSDAY 6/17/21 9:23AM-- gonna leave for Litz shortly...I don't wanna seem to eager, but of course I am...and maybe I DIDN'T see a Katana amp in the store but I thought I did...
12:11PM--Litz did NOT have the Katana MINI, so I went to Gtr.Center in Rockville...I tried it out; what do *I* know, it sounded good to ME...I had more than a little directional trouble GETTING to GC, but eventually I made it...nervous about going to Hershey's...was gonna have dinner there but suddenly that seems financially unwise...so I'll eat at home...

8:37PM-I should brought my Blues Jr. The Katana will be fine for the basement or anywhere in the House…

back to the comfort zone, I guess

 

                    WEDNESDAY 6/9/21 8:16AM--I think I'm going to go sit-in with Ray...looking back on it, I shoulda gone last night--Carolyn went to Brian Boru...Betcha she won't be at Killarney House tonight...the plan is to bring Butterscotch and the gizmo--and (maybe)a mic and mic stand...
11:44PM-- just got in from Ray's Killarney House gig...my gtr. playing? fair, not great...harmony singing ? very good, at least...Ray said he liked me playing thru the Gizmo...*I* actually have mixed feelings about it...
   THURSDAY 6/10/21 10:02AM--I think I'm gonna hold off on going to the Main Stage open mics until after Ray goes back to Denmark...which should be in a bit more than two weeks...I'll only miss two of 'em in a row...
5:16PM--as for last night's sit-in at Killarney House, again I didn't play as well as I think I can...and again, I ot compliments, from people whose opinion matters to me...but I VERY belatedly realize that they may have just saying those things to make me feel good...I know that's possible because I'VE done it  more than a few times to musicians and/or singers I've played with...And I probably come across as needing that kind of ego boosting...and I don't like THAT either...
FRIDAY 6/11/21 10:21AM--I've got what I might call a Lunch date tomorrow with a female singer I casually know...It was she who introduced me to the Main Stage open mic...and I backed her up at the OTWC Thursday night open mic FIVE years ago...she's good, enjoys singing a fairly wide variety of Music...
10:41AM--getting nervous/excited already...
SATURDAY 6/12/21 9:08PM--Going to SEE Ray perform on Monday, planning on sitting in on Tuesday...might be hanging with Lou on Thursday during the day...
9:31PM--one of my semi-Musical problems is I don't (can't?) act like a Rock Star...by that I mean just the way some of them (I'm talking locally) walk into a room...their body language says "Mr. Big Deal is here" and I don't know how to do that...even if I knew HOW to do it, I kinda don't WANT to do it...and of course, it would look obvious if suddenly I acted that way...pretty sure I would look ridiculous...Mr. Big Deal guys seem to be very confident, oft times more than just a little...however much confidence I DO have, I keep to myself...

memory lapse OR what's my problem?

 

       FRIDAY 6/4/21 12:27PM--It took awhile, but I believe I re-figured out how to use the Gizmo...I think it will be logistically advantageous to run it on batteries (one less cable to worry about) and NOT use Memory Mode--just imagine four stomp boxes in one package...I just gotta buy the batteries, between now and Tuesday...
5PM--made my reservation for Ray's KH show on Monday June 14th--A FATHER'S HEART...
SATURDAY 6/5/21 10:40PM--I can't help but wonder why, when it comes to the local Music scene, I'm on the outside looking in...is it my Musical ability? Am I not any good? Is it my personality? I TRY to be friendly, polite, and generally nice...I guess I come across as phony...oh well...as I've said so many times, we're born alone, we die alone, we may as well do the stuff in the middle alone too, right?
5:02PM--spent 20 minutes or so with the Gizmo...I hope to be comfortable/re-familiar with it by Tuesday...I plan to take it and Butterscotch to the Main Stage Grille and plug the Gizmo directly into the PA...and I hope to do the same thing on Wednesday when/if I go sit-in with Ray...
TUESDAY 6/8/21 11:19AM--now I'm free to think about the jam at the Main Stage Grille...I want to buy batteries for the Gizmo; guess I'll have to visit CVS after my nap...I still think it will make my visit go a teeny bit smoother...and there should be a bit less cable chaos, both tonight and tomorrow afternoon...
3:52PM--I don't think I got any sleep between 1:00 and three o'clock...too excited/nervous about going to the Main Stage Grille...planning on leaving here at about 4:30 or so...I hope to be there by 5:30, which gives me about an hour to order and eat a 10" pizza...
5:30PM-made it to the Main Stage Grille by 5:30… Almost made a major directional mistake, for the second time, just like last week – the same mistake…
6:56PM-I think the only person on the sign-up sheet officially is me… That makes me very nervous…
7:21PM-I’m no longer alone here…but I’m still nervous…
7:43PM-and yet again I was terrible… I didn’t think I had the time to set up my gizmo so I didn’t… Allegedly I will be getting back up and I WILL set up my gizmo – maybe I’m being a dick about it but I really did suck this time too…
Got up again as part of the band, STILL sucked-a LOT…maybe I’m trying too hard to impress...

I kinda hope it DOESN'T happen

 

            THURSDAY 6/3/21 10:45AM--Ray has added a second A FATHER'S HEART show to his already busy schedule...it's free, which is a good thing...it's on a Monday, which for Dianne, is a bad thing...so, I guess I'm going alone..Ray expressed regret that I wasn't his guitarist at the Ram's Head show; I hope he DOESN'T ask me to play the second show (at Killarney House) because I don't know the songs and I'm barely half the guitarist as the guy(s) on the album...
6:02PM--I'm hoping to use the "Gizmo" at the Main Street Grille open mic next Tueday--but first I gotta FIND it...it's GOT to be in the basement somewhere, but where? very VERY concerned...
6:32PM--FOUND THE GIZMO!!! I wasn't exactly looking for it, I was looking for something the roomie wanted...I couldn't find what SHE wanted but I found what *I* wanted, THEN I found what she wanted...it feels like it's been a long day...I'm SO tired...I can't imagine still being up at Midnight...but it's possible...
9:12PM--I guess the Gizmo Test will be on Monday, while the roomie is "at work"...maybe I can do it tomorrow, but I'm not gonna count on that...I'm pretty sure we have plans for early Saturday--the GTown flea market...As for Sunday, *I* have no idea...

a Bizarre evening

 

               WEDNESDAY 6/2/21 12:05AM--just go back from the Main Stage Grille open mic...I maintain that my guitar playing sucked, but it wasn't my fault...I hope to go again next Tuesday...the guy who was semi-in charge was Max, who I had known several years ago...the woman who played Bass was his wife Ruth whom I also knew from back in the day...David R., the "harp" player I was in Sugarmoon with was there...He told me he hoped to do a song with me, but it didn't happen...
     There was a guy sitting at a table that looked like a guy I had been in a pair of bands with, not to mention we went to high school together...turned out it was him...why he sat there for about three hours w/o saying hello to me will remain a mystery...
      Had I actually run into Debbie Haines there, I would have barely been more shocked...after all, I was in Howard County...of course, only The Universe knows where she is now, if she's still alive...
      I'm starting to have a bit of an identity crisis...am I a MontCo musician? am I (almost) a part of Ray's Annapolis gang? Or am I joining CJ's Howard County crew? is it possible to be in all three? *I* dunno...
12:42PM--just heard from Lou...he wants me to come visit...he might come to Main Stage in a couple weeks or so...
4:45PM--again today I went to Litz... but this time I got acoustic gtr. strings...I guess I'm not done with Ray yet...but I don't plan on seeing/sitting in with him until June 9th...Killarney is only 10 miles or so closer than Pirates Cove, but it seems  closer than that...
9:42PM--I find myself fantasizing about the set I would/could/might play the next time I go to the Main Stage...and to some degree, the reaction I might get...and I MIGHT just bring the gizmo--it's just as easy to set up as three stomp boxes...of course I'm gonna absolutely make sure IT works before it goes anywhere...I can hardly wait until next Tuesday...gonna load it up with batteries...one less cable to worry about...