it's against my nature...

       TUESDAY 4/2/19 10:18PM--to ignore what I hear as "not good enough, let's work on that." But that's what I'm gonna try to do from now on...no matter what band I'm in...I guess I have to...the ACME Band, as it turns out, IS as bad as the Combustibles...as for ITN, Dave is putting them on hold--the MontCo version at least...Dunno if any one noticed but I suddenly stopped talking (for awhile) at ACME practice last night...
      Geoff is a good guitar player; except that he occasionally "noodles" during the lead vocal--why? I have no idea...I try to play with a variety of tones, he does not...the fact that I don't like his tone is beside the point--his tone is whatever he wants it to sound like...I try to play in different styles, depending on the song and I try to get as close as I can to matching the guitar parts on the record--Geoff doesn't even try to do that...it's my opinion that Geoff and Phil the bass player need to leave their fondness for the Grateful Dead at home when working with the ACME Band...and *I* must stop joining in when they start playing Dead songs that I know...As for Harmonies, they are nearly non-existent in the ACME Band, but no one seems to notice...
         I think it's pretty much official--I'm a musical prostitute...and I wonder why I'm not in a band I can be proud of...very VERY depressing...

WEDNESDAY 4/3/19 7:17AM--I was kinda looking forward to going to a Grateful Dead jam tomorrow, but it doesn't happen every Thursday...looks like I'll be staying in...Next week's ACME gig doesn't pay, but (I assume) the Combustibles' gig three days later does...I can always use $50, or however much it is...the plan is to drive to Barry's house and carpool from there...
9AM--the more I think about my Musical Life, the more depressed I get...The leader of the ACME Band called last night's practice "excellent"...how much pot did HE smoke before he came to practice? if that's what causes his poor judgement...I'm not at all ready to admit that MY ears are somehow broken...I just don't get it...say what you want about the other local bands I have been known to go see and hear, but I wouldn't be embarrassed to be in most of them...none of them are perfect, and I don't expect them to be...but none of them sound as bad to me as the Combustibles or the ACME Band...the 4th Thursday Band is a bit better than the other bands I'm in, and it never practices...if we were to create a good enough song list, we would be almost dangerous...
6:32PM--almost the last thing I feel like doing is playing Music--I hardly ever feel that way...probably won't go out tomorrow night...can't find a reason why I should...