resentment is pointless, right?

SATURDAY 3/30/19 4PM--getting ready to go to Dinner with the ex-in-laws, after which I might go to Jackie's gig...after that I might go to the OTWC, in spite of the fact that I still resent not being asked to join a certain Neil Young Tribute Band...it IS true that I would get bored being just the rhythm guitarist...I dunno if the current 2nd guitarist gets any solos or not...maybe I'll find out later tonight...as for band rehearsals, I think there might be one with somebody, on Sunday or Monday...I just don't yet know who...

SUNDAY 3/31/19 12:50 AM--so I went to see both Jackie and Danger Bird...dunno if I'm still holding on to my resentment, but it doesn't matter...in fact almost nothing matters, because I kissed Jessica (on the cheek) as I was leaving the OTWC...I'm not yet the least bit sorry I did it, unless it made her uncomfortable or angry with me...I will try to be optimistic about her reaction, if she has/had one...I might not be there long, but for now I'm on cloud nine...
             8:32AM--usually the Combustibles rehearse before a gig...I think there's a Combustibles gig coming up on April 13th...and the ACME Band has a free gig on April 10th--I think it's a benefit of some kind...

MONDAY 4/1/19 7:19PM--the open mic at GYY is happening, supposedly starting about 20 minutes ago and there is evidence that IPO is back up and running, also on Mondays...I don't feel like going out, knowing there's ACME Band practice scheduled for tomorrow evening...I briefly flirted with the idea of introducing my keyboard playing to the ACME Band, then I came to my senses...there's a Grateful Dead jam on Thursday at the place ACME is playing next Wednesday...if Dianne goes out, I will too...

then builds again

MONDAY 3/25/19 4:30PM--a lot can happen between now and Wednesday, but I'm scheduled to go to Angela's house and work on the song she wants to do Thursday night...sooo glad I got a haircut today...there are two other songs I need to learn and a few I already know...but I've only got tomorrow and Wednesday to work on 'em...
7:56PM--forty-eight hours from now I could be rehearsing with Angela...holy shit...
TUESDAY 3/26/19 7:50AM--I need to concentrate on my "homework", but all I can think about is Angela...being aroused intellectually or emotionally is just as frustrating than being aroused physically...especially when certain things are no longer happening for me biologically, if ya get my drift...
8:25PM- about 24 hours from now I will be sitting in Angela’s living room, learning to play the Joni Mitchell song that she intends to do at the open mic on Thursday night…you had better believe I will take a Xanax before I leave my house to get to her house...To be completely honest, I don't expect I'm gonna behave badly...but I want to...
WEDNESDAY 3/27/19 8:36AM--an hour ago I hadn't done too much homework at all...now I've done most of it, the only thing left is to polish things up...which I can do tomorrow...now the huge obstacle might be A CASE OF YOU...not to mention (possibly) being alone with Angela...there is a minor bummer associated with practicing with her--I'll be missing the open mic being hosted by Jackie...
4:25PM--I'm 90% ready for the Skynyrd song and the Piña Colada Song, the two toughest songs after A CASE OF YOU, which, at this point, I'm not at all ready for...I hope Angela has some kinda arrangement in Mind...I'm bravely assuming that I'll be able to sing ALL NIGHT LONG when the time comes...
6:10PM--a little more than an hour to go...IF Angela and I get done by about 8:00, I might go to Hershey's...
8:44-it’s not easy, but I’m behaving myself...
THURSDAY 3/28/19 12:03AM--I asked for and got a brief hug from Angela...her arrangement of Tori Amos' arrangement of Joni Mitchell's A CASE OF YOU is a lot easier than I thought it would be...I don't think I'll have a problem with it...I'm gonna eat half a sandwich then go to bed...
7:22AM--Dianne woke me up to say goodbye...it almost always takes me awhile to get in gear when that happens...I'll go back to studying a bit later...and I intend to participate in the 3:00 load-in...I expect to take a catnap after Lunch, assuming I'll need one...
FRIDAY 3/29/19 2AM--a strange 4th Thursday IMO...three of the female singers we usually back up called out sick, and our keyboardist was also unable to make it, for non-medical reasons...I broke the high E string on eBay minutes befor we were to start the show and had to go out to the car and get Butterscotch...my solo number (ALL NIGHT LONG) went well enuff, as did Stoney's song and Brian's solo spot...Butch's rendition of I GOTTA GET DRUNK was IMO a train wreck, Brian often speeds up the tempo...Brian's Skynyrd song was not too bad, IMO...because the keyboard player didn't show, I got $15 dollars more than usual...Other than the opening set, the evening was quite UN-satisfying, for me musically and otherwise...
8AM--feeling fairly unappreciated by the MontCo music community again...oh well...starting in April, I'll be gigging more than I have in a long long time...but even the best of the three bands is (IMO) just pretty good...and with Stoney leaving it, we'll be starting over...but starting in about two weeks, I'm gonna be very busy--and (hopefully) in pretty good shape financially...

tension builds and then disappears

       FRIDAY 3/22/19 1PM--gonna open the Gizmo Lap shortly...for how long I dunno...hopefully no more than an hour--I'm already a bit tired...
2:24PM--I think the gizmo is set up for the gig...I went thru it to make sure the settings are what I want them to be...  worked with it for over an hour...I think I have set it up to be used in manual mode or memory mode… and at some point in time I want to go through the song list to see if there’s any songs that would benefit from unusual effects…like harmony parts or rockabilly-style echo... I don’t know if this will intimidate Geoff , but that’s not why am doing it... I just want the Acme band to be as good as it can be; ITN as well...
7:39PM--did some more work with the Gizmo, creating documentation so I'll know what the patches do and what the values are for each of the patches' parameters...I guess I am taking it to PJs tomorrow evening...I just hope I can operate it smoothly...the plan is to use it in Manual Mode unless I have to switch to Memory Mode...
SATURDAY  3/23/19 12:02AM--I was able to get a certain song's lyrics from my tablet to my laptop via Gmail...That's a big deal to ME...it was Ol' 55...the Eagles' arrangement...
11:06AM--the acoustic has new strings on it...I think I'm gonna design an equipment checklist for my gigs...
12:34PM--gonna digest Lunch and the try, TRY to catch a few winks...then I'll get up and take a shower...I'll have Dinner here at about five o'clock or so...load the car and leave around 6:15 or so...
4:40PM--I'm planning on Dinner at 5 and my personal load-in by 5:45, with departure time set for 6:10 or so...
6:07PM--not gonna make that 6:10 schedule. but I think I've got everything I need...
SUNDAY 3/24/19 1:07AM--My first gig with The ACME Band is history...I'm giving it a (generous) 8.0 on a scale of 10...The Gizmo did everything I asked it to do...I would say I made one major mistake...the other mistakes were not my fault...ACME is better than the Combustibles, but perhaps not by much...I came home with about $50 dollars...
MONDAY 3/25/19 3:23PM--the sit-in with Ray went well, for me anyway, until we completely unplugged, and I mean everything...didn't hear my guitar as much after that, but that's OK...played Bass a little, sang LMYR...my harmonies? very good, of course...my solos? okay I guess...came home with $40...probably not going to GYY tonight...and I gotta start studying for the 4th Thursday gig...

a Band with a secret identity ?

           TUESDAY 3/19/19 7:05AM--I'm not quite sure what the Musical difference is between ITN and the ACME Band; there are definite personnel differences though...and the ACME Band has three (counting me) Grateful dead fans in it...I think, because of me, we added U.S. BLUES to our repertoire...I would like to sing it, but I don't...I DO sing a Billy Joel song (YOU MAY BE RIGHT) but it sounds pretty good because, as far as my ears can tell, there's no piano on it...it's not like we're trying to play PIANO MAN...I will have to get used to possibly being mostly a rhythm guitarist...as for today,  tomorrow and Thursday, I don't think I'll be going out until Thursday...
12:08PM--I hope the other guitarist in the ACME Band doesn't feel threatened by me...maybe later I'll check in with Dave to get any feedback there may be...
7:20PM--I know it's only Tuesday but I'm excited about the ACME gig...
WEDNESDAY 3/20/19 8:23AM--still dunno if I'm going to the OTWC tomorrow night...if Dianne goes out, I probably will too...as for tonight, even if there's somewhere to go, I'll probably stay home...the Grateful Dead jam that used to be in Bethesda has moved to Silver Spring...there's one scheduled for tomorrow night...if it wasn't kinda far away, I'd be more likely to go...so I'll probably go to the OTWC...I think Tish and Johnny V are hosting...
7:48PM--there is no open mic at the OTWC tomorrow night, they're celebrating their 30th Anniversary...*I* thought Dianne and I were going to Killarney House to see Ray on Sunday...I guess I was wrong...If it stops raining by 5PM or so, I just might go to Ray's Thursday night gig at Killarney House...OR I could go to the Sunday evening gig instead...I'll make a decision tomorrow afternoon....
THURSDAY 3/21/19 7:35AM--I made the decision awhile ago...I'll go on Sunday...Ray's gig starts early, but it ends early...
11:19AM--the Plan is to stay home tonight and tomorrow night, make my live debut with The ACME Band Saturday evening and go to Ray's gig on Sunday...I don't think any one of my FB "friends" will be coming to the gig, and that's OK by me... I'll take any chance I get to NOT see Jeff Karn...
5:23PM--I was hoping to work in the Gizmo Lab tomorrow, just in case I decide to use it on Saturday night...I think Dianne is working from home on Fridays...rats...
6:26PM--apparently I was wrong, Dianne will NOT be working from home tomorrow...so the smart thing to do is work in the Gizmo Lab while I have a chance...and I’m even excited/nervous about that...

a bit better than usual, but still not enough to make me stay, besides I'm getting busy

       SUNDAY 3/17/19 10:36AM--the Combustibles gig went a bit better than they usually do, but I still plan on leaving...Barry is a weak spot, but Rick is worse...and Barney kept trying to end songs early,*I* dunno why...the small audience got a lot bigger with the arrival of a wedding party, that improved the gig quite a bit...now I can look forward to the ACME band rehearsal...
                   So I bring the tablet to the gig, expecting to play COME TOGETHER, and we end up skipping it--and that was OK by me...it was (IMO) a weird sounding room and the venue's speakers left a lot to be desired, to ME anyway...probably won't take the gizmo to the ACME audition/practice...
                        7:27PM--speaking of the ACME Band, I think I'm in, no doubt about it...In an e-mail from 3/13, Steven, the guitarist/keyboardist, said, among other things, "I don’t want to quit forever, but I need to take a break for a while. If everyone is still amenable, I am happy to sub whenever I can. I always enjoy playing with everyone and truly hate taking this step." That sounds like (a reluctant) "goodbye" to me...according to the setlists I've seen, he didn't sing many lead vocals...
       9:36PM--it has taken me a long LONG time, but I was able to compile a list of gigs that ALL the bands I'm currently in have for the next few weeks...eight gigs in eight weeks...WOW...not counting the 4th Thursday gig on the 28th...I might start working on THAT homework later this week and definitely after the gig on the 23rd with the ACME Band...
 MONDAY 3/18/19  4:45PM--took awhile but I burned Three CDs for Mike...he's gonna add some (all?) of the songs to his MP3 player to play during the breaks at an ITN gig...dunno about ACME gigs...the 2nd CD took two attempts, but I got it done...I dunno for sure, but I assume (and hope) there's still practice...
11:32PM--I guess I'm a member of the ACME Band now...the other guitarist may not be as good as me, but he definitely has a different guitar sound than I do...he likes it clean with a bunch of reverb...I may want to, but I don't think I'm going to, use the gizmo at this coming Saturday's gig, apparently in this Band all I need is the chorus pedal and distortion pedal...I'm not sure who the lead guitarist is--me or Geoff...maybe it's neither of us--or both of us...it turns out that Dave, Phil and Geoff are big Grateful Dead fans...that might be fun...for the first time ever, I sang YOU MAY BE RIGHT by Billy Joel...I think we're keeping it, in spite of not having a keyboard player anymore......Dave himself told me that ACME was not at the same level as ITN...I think he's right...but I don't care--yet...

a bit sloppy but better than what I'm used to...

                 SATURDAY 3/16/19 1:09AM--my very first gig with ITN went better than it could have, all things considered...I think the other guys are happy...well, maybe Stoney isn't...I overheard him telling someone about how certain people don't seem to learn the songs he sends thru the email...pretty sure he means me...it's nothing personal...I guess I'm just lazy, like Dad said....
                 I think, maybe as of last night, I became a member of the ACME Band...we're scheduled to practice on Monday...that's fairly exciting to me...ITN is better than the Combustibles, that's something...Dave could be a better singer, especially when it comes to harmonies, but he seems to be a very good frontman...IMO Mike could, at least occasionally, hit the snare a teeny bit harder...but generally, ITN is pretty darn good...I get the impression that Dave is fairly impressed with my ability to direct harmonies...maybe I can make ACME a better band because of that...
 6:15PM--and now the gig I've dreaded for so long...the Combustibles at the Hamilton Loft...considering we don't even start until 10:30 (?) PM, I figure I might be home by 3AM...I have to fight like hell to try to remain calm, keep my head down and make it to the end of the gig...definitely gonna take a Xanax before we leave, around 8:30 or so

More than I can chew?

                         THURSDAY 3/14/19 7AM--I have agreed to sub for the guitarist/keyboardist at an ACME Band gig...the gig is on 3/23 at PJs in Germantown...After the ITN and Combustibles gigs I'll have to cram for the 4th Thursday thing, which is two weeks from today...I can't even THINK about that yet...I don't yet see any problems with the ACME Band songlist--except I don't play keyboards, at least not well enough to sub for anybody...the 4th Thursday song list is gonna be challenge...
7:15PM--still debating whether or not I should use the gizmo at the ITN gig...I'm leaning towards NO...no one seemed to care that I wasn't using a "rockabilly" style delay when we tried out ROCK THIS TOWN or a wah-wah on PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC...and of course, smooth switching is still a bit difficult for me...and lastly, I want to make as good an impression as I can, on my bandmates AND the audience...not to mention, I wanna save the batteries for the Combustibles gig--the Gizmo is essential to that song list...so, although I would like to take it with me tomorrow, I don't think I will...
FRIDAY 3/15/19 7:18AM--The printer (or something) is fucked up and I can't print the setlists for the various Musical projects I'm involved in...very VERY frustrating...I don't need this kinda shit today...
10:18AM--if I'm not taking the gizmo out tonight, why work on it today? I can work with it tomorrow; in addition to her normal Saturday event, Dianne is getting a haircut...maybe I can work in the Gizmo Lab at that time...I certainly should...
3:02PM--leaving for Mike's house in about 20 minutes or so...it shouldn't take an hour to get to his house...I believe I've got everything I need in the living room or in the car already...

whatever it takes to forget

               MONDAY 3/11/19 3:52PM-I might go out somewhere tonight just to forget what I heard at practice yesterday... I suppose I could prepare some songs for GYY...we'll see...Michelle says she might go...actually I’ve already worked on IS SHE REALLY GOING OUT WITH HIM? so that’s one...and I just ran thru TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE, that's two...
          10:49PM--Michelle DID show up; she helped me with a song or two and I helped HER with a song or two or three..and (surprise) Jeff Karn showed up as well...It sounds incredibly narcissistic but it's true --I AM a better harmony singer than he is, no doubt about it...my work as a sideman, either on guitar or harmonies or both, was, for the most part, right on the money...my solo set (even with some help from Michelle and Jeff) was terrible...I didn't even play IS SHE REALLY...?  Oh well, such is Life...
TUESDAY 3/12/19 7:11AM-I'm not at all sure I wanna continue to play solo gigs...frankly, I don't wanna damage any positive reputation I may have as a sideman...I wasn't gonna go to Charlie's acoustic open mic on Thursday anyway, I have to save my energy for the TWO weekend gigsI won't change my mind about that.......I'm so SO glad the ITN gig comes first...if the Combustibles gig were to get cancelled, I would be ecstatic...for what I (we) have to go thru, I'm not sure it's not worth $80 dollars...
4:52PM--the 4th Thursday is coming up; the concept is "drinking songs"...My Plan is to do FAMILY TRADITION, possibly juxtaposed with ALL NIGHT LONG by Joe Walsh...we'll see...After some indecision, I've decided to put new strings on "eBay", hopefully tomorrow...actually, I should put new strings on the acoustic, especially if I go to Hershey's for the acoustic open mic that I think will be happening...I'm not sure who's hosting...SLIGHTLY LATER--now I don't think there's an open mic on the third Wednesday of the Month, but otherwise, there seems to be one happening...so new strings on the acoustic will have to wait...
8:13PM--I know it's only Monday evening, but I'm thinking about my upcoming gigs...Initially, I was thinking that I was glad the ITN gig came first...but now I realize that I would rather have it the other way around...after the gig with the Combustibles I would have looked forward to the gig with ITN...as it is, I have nothing else coming up anytime soon to make me forget the Combustibles gig on Saturday...
WEDNESDAY 3/13/19 1:23PM--.I put new strings on "eBay"...the high "E" string won't stay in tune...if it IS gonna break, let it be at practice tonight...maybe I should take Butterscotch instead...I probably will do that...at the gigs, I hope to have BOTH guitars with me, like always...My equipment and me are riding to the ITN gig with the bass player and the drummer...I might have to leave the amp stand in the car, but I hope not...and, as far as *I* know, Barry is giving me a ride to Saturday night's gig in DC...not looking forward to that, not even a little...

starting to feel wanted (maybe)

         WEDNESDAY 3/6/19  9:11AM--organizing the paperwork for my various Musical adventures, most of it is made up of set lists...of course, I'm not yet a member of the ACME Band, but I have their song list anyhow...as for any open mics happening tonight, they will go on w/o me, unless by some miracle the temperature jumps about 25° or so...and I don't expect that to happen...the next Musical event that I have planned on is the ACME Band's gig on Saturday the 9th...
 6:43PM--the roomie is going out tomorrow night; I dunno if *I* am...it depends on the weather...there's only one  place to go that's close by--the OTWC...I think it's SAW singer/songwriter night...meh...
THURSDAY 3/7/19 10:30AM--starting to get excited about going out Saturday night...I know the ACME Band is better than the Combustibles, but beyond that, who knows? InToneNation is better than the Combustibles, but every Musical project I've ever had since moving here is/was better than they are...
SATURDAY 3/9/19 11:12PM-I might not be joining ACME after all...and that’s ok...the lead guitarist/keyboard player hasn't made up his Mind about moving to Virginia...the band is  better than the Combustibles, but not by much, as far as I can hear...I think I’m better than the guy I’d possibly be replacing...and (I think) I would make it a better band...the Combustibles are still on for tomorrow, as far as I know...and ITN is practicing on Wednesday...I 'm not planning on going out anywhere on Thursday evening...might (should) put new strings on "eBay" before Friday's gig...
SUNDAY 3/10/19 11:30AM--every time the Combustibles rehearse, as I'm on my way to Ric's house, I tell myself that I'm gonna keep my mouth shut--and I don't...I'm gonna try again today...
6PM--as I predicted, I couldn't keep my mouth shut...I absolutely know my ears are NOT tricking me...the Combustibles suck, pure and simple...I don't think Barry can hear how bad he (and/or the band) really is...or he just doesn't care...as for Ric, *I* think he's too high to be able to hear how bad he sounds, never mind the whole band...
 

a brighter future?

      TUESDAY 3/5/19 8:17AM--so now even band practice takes at least a little outta me...I was gonna go to the Lahinch open mic tomorrow, but I need to think about it...I'm not gonna risk taking the acoustic out if the temperature is in the 30s or lower...and that is apparently what's gonna happen...but I think there's an acoustic open mic at Hershey's on Wednesday nights too--with rotating hosts, one of whom just might be Jackie...tomorrow night's host is (I think) Greg Marsh...
       But I'm still struggling with the feeling of being left out...except I do feel like a member of InToneNation...chatting with Dave Koplow last night I found out that his other Band--the ACME Band, might be looking for a new lead guitarist...I'm hoping to go see that band on Saturday night at Lahinch...and he gave me a copy of their songlist...
10:40AM--well, it could have taken a lot longer, but I was able to construct my own copy of their song list using Google Docs...sooo thankful for speech to text technology... don't think there's a song on there that I can't already play...
12:18PM--as for going out anywhere tomorrow, it doesn't seem likely--it's supposed to be very cold on Wednesday...
1:12PM- and I did some “housecleaning” on the tablet… I think I got rid of all the PDFs, I hope I don’t regret that later... what I think I’m left with is a bunch of documents that can still be edited if need be;  The PDFs are essentially photographs and can’t be edited in any manner that I know of… the documents, on the other hand, are the lyrics to the solo songs that I would do if I went out to an open mic by myself... I really WANT to go out tomorrow night, somewhere but  as far as I know it’s going to be very very cold, and I don’t think that’s good for acoustic guitars...
10:51PM--just got two more lists from Butch...one of them seems to be a repeat of an earlier list--color coded to indicate who sings what...the other one apparently lists EVERY song performed at the 4th Thursday open mic since Butch began hosting...He's trying to set up a practice for next week...that will be innaresting...suddenly there's a possibility (slim perhaps, but still) that I may soon be in four bands:
1.The Combustibles
2.InToneNation
3.The ACME Band
and (4) the Butch Thayer Band...
I wanna leave the Combustibles, and yet I'm kinda afraid to...I've had two rehearsals with ITN, and I would say we're already at least as good as the Combustibles...

maybe no one else cares

                   SUNDAY 3/3/19 5:35PM--the only possibilities are that none of the other members of the Combustibles can hear how bad we are--or they just don't care...now I can start looking forward to rehearsal with ITN...I don't think weather is gonna be a problem...
6:50PM--and I'm reading on Flakebook how great that Beach boys Tribute band is...did they improve that much after I left? I doubt it...I suspect people don't wanna hurt yer feelings, but I wonder what they're really thinking...for example, Sue Johnstone can't really believe that the Combustibles gig at Clyde's last week was "great", can she?...another example, the other band members don't really think practice went well, do they? And I can't imagine what guest Bass player Brian REALLY thinks about what he heard today...
          As far as I know, ITN practice is still on for tomorrow evening...I hope I remember to take a Xanax before I leave to go there...I'm sure I'll be super nervous eventually, but now I'm just excited...
 I was hanging out with Dianne and Sue yesterday, talking about among other things, feeling left out when your "friends" have fun w/o you...and Flakebook is overflowing with posts by people reporting on their active social lives...and a sub category of that is people's Musical activities...I get no pleasure whatsoever hearing about what my Musician "friends" are up to...
       Seriously, why do I spend so much time on the sidelines? I know I'm not handsome...is THAT it? I know there are "better" guitar players, is THAT it? it hurts sometimes to see that stuff on FB...well, one bandleader thinks I'm good enough to be in the OTWC 4th Thursday open mic House Band...and hopefully I have a bright future with InToneNation...
MONDAY 3/4/19 8:55AM--in spite of the fact that I have a doctor's appointment in about an hour, I'm excited about tonight's ITN rehearsal...it's kinda hard for me to think about anything else...just got word that practice is ON for tonight...excitement will turn to nervousness soon, if it hasn't already...