a bad time to be impatient

       Even if I COULD have some kind of physical relationship with another woman, I'd likely be in too much of a hurry to "cut to the chase" as it were...and of course, it would hurt Dianne horribly...and I don't wanna do that...but if I could pursue any woman, it just might be Angela...of course I have no idea how she'd react to that...and maybe I don't wanna know...

MONDAY--and yet I came perilously close to telling how I think I feel about her in an FB exchange...she says she's gonna be at the IPO open mic tomorrow...I guess that means I'm going too, right?

TUESDAY 8AM--a lot of my thoughts are of NEXT  month's fourth Thursday; I think we're focusing on the songs of Bob Dylan...the rest of my thoughts seem to be of Angela...but I feel like such a horrible person--I don't think she's much of a singer, at least not judging from what I heard on ReverbNation...maybe those recordings are from a couple of years ago, if not more...I think she told me she was taking voice lessons...*I* think that's a good idea, and (to some degree) the lyrics need work...

8:30PM-Angela is here, as is Faye...had a nice enough chat with her...

that's who we're playing for, right?

SUNDAY 8/26/18 2AM--I surprised Ray at his gig at Pirates' Cove...DIANNE wanted to go, I would have been fine staying home...again, members of the audience were generous with their compliments to me; not sure what to make of the adulation...but it sure felt good...I wasn't onstage all night long...I played some lead guitar, sang some background parts and even played Bass a bit...

         Had a VERY interesting talk with Stoney this afternoon... long story short (for now) I think I'll forgive him for what he once said about no one wanting to be in a band with me...I'll assume/hope he was a bit under the influence of alcohol at the time...he seemed a bit remorseful that we had seemingly drifted apart...he was very complimentary about my performance at the open mic this past Thursday...

SUNDAY 11AM--you'd think I have had more than enough jamming and whatnot--and physically that's true...and yet I wish I could go to a jam that a guy I sorta know is having at his house...unfortunately, the roomie won't be leaving the house until about 4:30...the jam starts at Noon and ends at 7PM...oh well...by the time she does leave, I will start slowly but surely winding down, and won't feel like doing anything...

a sense of relief

       FRIDAY 8/17/18 6:51PM--now that I've had an intimate conversation with Cara's Father, I can stop being nervous about her...I haven't yet stopped thinking about her the way a boy thinks about a girl...Her Dad described her as being "26 going on 17"--I actually understand what he means....I'm 63 going on 30 or so...

and so we start yet again

WEDNESDAY 8/15 9AM- because I had $140 when I started this morning plus the 820 from Social Security, I feel relatively secure financially… I guess I will have to continue pinching pennies the way I did when I was working… any frivolous spending that I even half heartedly considered is out of the question…

what could THAT possibly mean?

      I dreamt that I pleasured myself--orally, for quite awhile...and I woke up not the least bit aroused...I guess I'm "deader" down there than I thought...Angela told me last night that she was 50...I know my eyesight isn't what it used to be, but *I* think she could pass for 30--not that it even matters what I think...

a chance to say "thanx, but no..."

           A guy I know (Paul) seems to be trying to get me to join his band...Maybe if the keyboard player was someone other than Rick (the kb player for the Combustibles) I'd think about it...In my opinion, neither Paul (guitar) or Robert (drums) are as good as I would like them to be...unless they've gotten better since I last heard them play, which was quite awhile ago I admit...it's easy to say :no" sometimes, but HOW? that's another thing altogether...
          Paul has called TWICE so far...I need to tell him something, right? I can't tell him The Truth, can I? At the same time I'm working with Cara (or whoever she is) on an ABBA song...and I think Angela is working on SOMEBODY TO LOVE...I hope to go to the Crossroads open mic tonight--just in case Angela goes too...
           She did go, and I did too...it didn't go well...I wouldn't be surprised if she changes her Mind about singing with the house band on the 23rd...

THEN what would I do?

            Lately, I've kinda sorta been wondering if it is at all possible for me to have a fairly serious relationship of some kind with another woman...and then I remember that my ability to, er, uh, satisfy her is severely hampered by my diabetes and/or the various meds I take for it and the various other medical problems I live with...Satisfying myself takes a LOT of effort, and it's not really worth it...and yet I find myself looking around...and I don't know why...