that's a sign, right?

              I have become infatuated with a certain young woman; I have no idea how old she is...Like other similar past episodes, I'm not gonna act on it...I can't seem to remember her name--it's AMBER...*I* think that's an unusual name, although FB has dozens of them, according to the search I did...
          It feels like my inability to keep her name in my head is a sign from the Universe to smother whatever feelings I think I have for her...and so I will...

suddenly I felt wanted and needed

        FRIDAY 5/25/18 1:35AM--just got in from the OTWC open mic...got to play a bunch...the official house guitarist gave me $20 bucks...I refused it at first, but ultimately accepted Paul's generosity...I had a considerable amount of fun...and played pretty well IMO...but I need time to recover...at least all of the rest of today...

NOON--considering I've gone out three nights in a row, I feel pretty good...I have NO PLANS whatsoever to go out tonight, and probably not tomorrow night either...feeling rather euphoric over my night at the OTWC...let's see how long that lasts...

   

a giant step outside the comfort zone

         
          Tomorrow (Tuesday) I plan to go to an open mic in (northern) Glen Burnie...it's about two miles away from the house I grew up in...I won't be leaving in about 24 hours but I can already feel butterflies hatching in my stomach...I might have company, but if I don't that's OK too...
       WEDNESDAY 9AM--the people at the Birdcage were, as Sue Ellen had said, the friendliest bunch of folks...I will go back, just not every week; and probably not once the Sun starts going down by 6PM...it felt weird...I kept looking at people wondering if I knew their parents...or grandparents...

3:50PM--as far as last night went, I played some; I sucked AND I was having technical difficulties...naturally one of my cords decided to short out at THIS particular time… I have no idea if I’m going to be able to get back up there tonight but I wouldn’t mind... I wouldn’t call the trip a complete waste of time-yet…I’d say my playing was MAYBE a “6”...and my singing was a "7"...and an old friend showed up, although he didn't come to play...he actually ran the open mic itself a few years ago...IF Dianne goes out tonight, I'll go to the IPO open mic...I don't think I'll have cable problems, but who knows?

anti-climax or being forgotten

WEDNESDAY 5/16/18 5:33PM--The Crimestoppers will be having TWO guitarists at Hershey's on Saturday 5/19...no, I'm not one of 'em...probably because I blew it at the Star Diner and/or B72 all those years ago...a bigger man would be magnanimous...I could change my Mind, but at this point in time I say "fuckit"...what a wonderful 63rd Birthday I'm gonna have--NOT...

                 10:38PM--still don't WANT to go to Hershey's on Saturday, but I wouldn't be too surprised if I end up going anyway...of course, if I didn't, I'd possibly hate myself Sunday morning...

SUNDAY 5/19/18--I won't hate myself...I went to Hershey's and I sang harmony on two Neil Young songs...It sounded real good as far as I could tell...I give myself (at least) a 9.5

because I said I would

          I'm meeting with a singer/songwriter who seems to want me to join/form a band with him...I don't have much to go on, but as far as I can tell so far, he's not much of a singer or writer...If I was a praying kinda guy, I'd pray that the meeting would be canceled...but because I said I would, I will be at his house Monday evening by 6:30 or so...me and my big mouth...I've REALLY gotta learn how to say NO...or at least "lemme think about it"...
             I don't think the project is 100% originals; the Combustibles only play about a half a dozen of Barry's songs...
           MONDAY NIGHT,  AFTER THE "MEETING"  The Larry/Todd Project is not totally focused on Larry's originals...but that's mostly what we worked on...I don't know for sure, but I think my harmonies were as impressive to Larry & Todd as my guitar playing...and if I DIDN'T pass the audition, so be it...maybe I'll hear from them tomorrow...I plan to start working on MY original songs--fixing old ones, writing news ones...
              TUESDAY--maybe this evening I'll focus on a new song that I started  yesterday...

FRIDAY 5/11/18--I've changed my Mind about going out tonight to see Danger Bird...why should I go see a band that (IMO) I should be in? And I might not go to the SAW workshop tomorrow...basically I don't feel like doing anything...

3:30PM--and yet I AM gonna go see the Bird and I plan on going to the workshop...I can't let rejection get the best of me... maybe I can put it behind me after tonight…
Whatever’s  going to happen this evening is probably going to happen at the OTWC...

forgot to consider that...

          When playing someone's originals for money, how important is it that I LIKE the songs? Maybe it's because they're so new, but I'm not sure I like (so far) some of the songs that Larry has written...the Music is fine, but like some of Barry' songs, IMO the lyrics are a problem...
            In the meantime, I re-arranged one of my own songs...LAVENDER DAWN now swings a bit...if I want it to, of course...
         And I've started working on the 2 songs that Donate sent me to play on tonight,,,I'm not worried about those...
        THE NEXT DAY--the sit-in with Donate and her two friends, who call themselves VOICES THREE, went well enough...as for tonight's singer/songwriter showcase at the OTWC, I'm gonna go but NOT bring my guitar--Barry was rather wishy-washy about me playing/singing with him...that's fine by me, that way I don't have to stay until the end if I don't wanna...
           FRIDAY--I DID go to the OTWC and ultimately I played and sang alongside Barry...I touched base with a couple of "friends" I hadn't seen in awhile, although one of the friends I 'd hoped to see was a no-show...I finally met a certain singer-songwriter from Virginia that I've wanted to see and hear for a long time...for that reason alone, I'm glad I went...I'm still thinking about songwriting...
                 LATER FRIDAY--after having found some of my older attempts at lyric writing, I'm reconsidering that songwriting idea...SATURDAY morning- changing my mind again about the song writing thing, a couple of the songs may actually be salvageable...
SATURDAY EVENING- if I wasn’t depressed AND if the band playing at Hershey’s was some band other than Built 4 Comfort,  I would possibly go out tonight... but I am and it’s not, so I’m probably staying home...